Disappointed in myself because I haven't been writing like I think I should.. not as much, anyway. I also haven't devoted much time to reading.. I've been on the same book now for what seems like a month. I've put it down... and it stays down. I'm off and away on junk time wasters, like crossword puzzles and just browsing the internet. I was doing yoga too, but I've gotten out of that for a little while. Maybe I'm just being lazy, or maybe its all just bad time management. :(

But on the other hand, I've started a new poetry group for us local writers in Cherry Hill. We've had two meetings so far and it seems to be working really well. They're actually just informal get-togethers, just to chat and discuss what's going on with each of us. This past Tuesday was the second one scheduled. We had it at Dunkin Donuts so it was nothing fancy, which is good 'cause its just a place to meet and relax.Eileen was there... Robert came along this time, I was glad, and he really enjoyed it. There was also another member to show up, Moriah. So all in all I think it was a great evening.

This weather... I keep waiting for a break in this cloudy, rainy... bleh type of days. They had a little reprieve from it a few days ago, so the apt. complex hired contractors to come repave the entire parking lot. But even then, they were rushing to beat the rain. Plus it's still chilly, jacket weather. I was thinking coming home from work yesterday - how its almost June now, but you can't tell it from all these lower temperature and chilly rain... just nasty, I tell you.

Oh, my son got me good... He posted on Xanga a poem (lyrics) I thought he wrote. And he let me believe that he actually did write them.. I was impressed. Until the next day he posted an edit on the blog that it was not his. Actually an old set of lyrics from Blink 182... one of their first albums, he says. I wouldn't have thought anything about it.. but he'd actually told me he wrote it. Oh then he says "yeah, but I had you going for a little while, huh?" Hmm.. not even a lie of omission. That bothered me.

Well, I'm getting used to the routine now at the Pet Shoppe... I still love my job. I'm going in every morning looking forward to dealing with the ferrets.. they are the most mischievious little buggers.. cleaning the cage, I can't get anything done because they're right there where I'm trying to clean, lol.. just as soon as you push them back, here they come again. One of the babies will even grab my sleeve and hang on while I scoop out the bedding. I guess you'd have to be there to see it. Lol, scoop, lift, dump... and he's hanging on to my sleeve the entire time.

Cumulus

Looking through nature
with a camera eye,
everything is more real
just before dusk.

Think of frayed cotton by the
light of the moon, try to
pick out these shapes the way
you always can in dimly lit
noisy rooms; like patterns
in the grain of tabletops
you can pick out
whenever you want.

Last night the stars
were throwing themselves
against the clearest sky
and we watched as they
moved across minutes,
hours.

New Poetry Group

A group of local writers and poets in and around Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Post a poem, or just read one... Join in book discussions, help plan informal meetings with other members of the group. Relax, enjoy the imagery and art of words... Have fun with poetry, hear it, speak it, make it a part of your life... Written, spoken, shouted, performed, whispered, it all begins with a thought. This ain't your great-grandfather's poetry, this is accessible.

I can just imagine... "Hey, Ferret face!" I was handling some of the younger ferrets that recently came in to the store. And while I was holding one of them, he jumped up and bit me in the face. And wouldn't let go till I tapped his head. He did it once more and I had to tap him on the nose for doing it. Little bugger! Didn't hurt, it was just more of a surprise than anything else. Lol, if I'd have dropped him he would still have been hanging there not letting go. Some of them have to be disciplined just like little kids.... cause that's what they are to me, I think of them as just little people... with fur. :)
Somebody came in yesterday and bought the Parrot.. the one I was trying get to talking.. was repeating the same thing hoping he'd repeat it back to me. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!" Well he's got a permanant home now and will be well taken care of.

Hey, what happened to the Spring? I know I'm still waiting for the warm weather to make an appearance... I also know that once summer is in full swing, I'll be wishing for some relief from the heat. Just wish it would get a little warmer soon. With all this rain lately it seems that it's cooling things down a little too much.

I'm still thoroughly enjoying my job at the Pet Shoppe. I still love the hours, the days are busy. Mondays especially, after those few days when hardly any of the cages get cleaned. So I've been told "assume nothing gets done" over the weekend; it makes for a very busy start to the week. But I wouldn't want to be working anywhere else, I just love it.

I haven't written too much this past week, poems or otherwise. I ended up quitting one of the poetry groups. I'm sure it steamed them to no end that I never posted all that much... but I didn't post any less in that one than I posted in any of the others and never got called down for it like this. Oh, well. It's better this way.

Robert popped in a DVD last night. A couple of weeks ago we watched The Lord of The Rings, since I've never seen any of them yet. Last night it was LOTR: The Two Towers, and again I was blown away by the scenery. Love the story too, I've never read Tolkien either. Next week we'll go for the third one, really looking forward to that.

These two cats, I swear... there's the one who can't get enough cat treats and always seems to be begging for another one. Then there's the finicky one who I'm sure he thinks the treats must be poison or something since he'll turn his nose up every time... But he's coming around slowly but surely, getting used to the idea of somebody new paying him attention. I've even got him to playing with one of the interactive toys now, when he used to run and hide from it. Lol.

Night And Day

If looks could kill
I'd be dead a thousand times over.

He's watching the outside now
and jealousy rears its head
again with eyes and ears on full alert
from the sameness of the INSIDE
he's watching the other one
fulfill a leisurely pace, they're
peering through glass doors
at each other, then a stretch
and another look over the shoulder
before replaying full relaxation...

We call this one
"screaming white south Jersey fox"
for the times he opens his mouth
in protest, the noise is relentless
as if he carries intricate conversation
with himself that he alone can
understand; it's a wonder how even
he can hear himself think
of what to say to us next.

It's a bright sunny day on the balcony
and the lucky one has found laziness
enough to sleep and dream
of four rats in a coconut boat, maybe
a hairless one lounging in a hammock.

Pity, just moments before
there was a question of integrity
and talk of impending upset
when that self same fat cat
pounced on an unstable table
for want of a treat. You know...
he's been searching high and
low for those things, they appear
as if by some magic rain inside
the house.

I Was Listening

Close your eyes...
Your dreams can be
inspired by sound.

When you play a rythm
of sixteenth notes
it'll be a cadence to
get the blood pumping,
add meaning to the wisp
of a feeling that lives
and brings purpose
the way you've done.

Awestruck, I listened
when it all came back
and circled like wings
in flight through the air
of this room.

I was listening
and you were oblivious
to everything in that moment
save chord and structure
and strumming, strumming
I wouldn't have you
any other way.

Just realized I haven't posted in five days... I guess I was busier than I thought. Had a great week though. I'm at a place now where I can actually say I love my job... and mean it. I'm even getting used to the Parrot sitting on my head when I'm cleaning out his cage... Or should I say he's getting more used to me. And the ferrets. They sold one last week, they're down to three now. And also last week they got in several dogs and a few kittens, a couple of akitas and papillons.. well they sold the two papis in as many days. Cute ones they were.

The weather has been awesome.. more and more like spring now. It just seems like there've been too many false starts with the weather, but I'm hoping its stays nice like its been for the past few days.

Robert got another day off this week as well. I'm glad he's been able to do that, since it's supposed to be busy with people going out of town in the next couple of weeks. So I told him he should rest up for it now while he has the chance. I'm hoping that eventually he can at least take every other Sunday off now with me working, it'll even out with the money coming in.

Last night I had a horrible dream involving one of the ferrrets and a snake. Somehow one of the snakes got loose and also for some reason one of the ferrets was running around in the store... they both ended up in the back room in the doorway, but the snake was curled around the swinging door while the ferret had its back to it, facing me. So I reach to grab the ferret and the snake sinks its teeth in my hand, I had to physically remove him with my other hand and while I was doing that, the ferret thinks I'm playing so he comes back to where all the action is... I reach again to get him out of harm's way, and the snake bites me a second time. By this time I'm calling for somebody to come get the ferret. Finally one of the ladies comes back to get the little bugger and tells me "just be sure you get all the poison out..." What a nightmare. I'd hate to come to work tomorrow morning and there'll be a ferret missing. I'd almost be afraid to ask if somebody came in and bought one, only to find out that something else happened to it. :(

So... has anyone been keeping up with Survivor Palau this season? The finale and reunion is tonight... I'm thinking it's gonna be Tom who'll win. With the two hour finale and then the hour-long reunion, it's definitely gonna be quite the evening of TV watching. It's really gonna seem strange next week with Thursday nights free... we'll all have Survivor/CSI witdrawal. But I'm thinking next month will be the start of the new Def Poetry, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Lemmings Away

You go through, go through
and live through the everyday
grind
of your life. Then one day you
find technology simplified
at your fingertips.

So you begin to chronicle your events,
your ups, downs, your good and bad,
even those ugly, uncertain days
full of doubt;

do the best you can to minimalize
esteem, however often you choose...
To reach inside, pull out as much
as you see fit.

Spill your very guts -
some of us more than others,
in art and the beauty of words
that travel with sincerity and
true meaning, loving life for
the revel in experience,
exploring deep how one can paint
without actual pigment, create
pictorials from the barest
figment or breath of imagination.

Using the mind, the mind's
description
can be an awesome thing...
Stunt yourself with the vague
myriad many, many, many ways
to parrot the same message
in the sing-song sloppy-joe
slang and you absolutely
refuse to grow.

Well my first week on the new job is over, and what great week it was... In between cleaning cages, watering and feeding everybody, getting the work area organized, I've had to hunt for a bird that escaped, been bitten by a rat, juggled ferrets and mice, (not literally, mind you!) and made friends with the resident Parrot. He'll sit on my shoulder all the while I'm getting food for the other birds.. still there when I'm sweeping up.. he's got personality, thats for sure. They're hoping to get him to start talking eventually. My goal is to teach him to say "Here, Kitty, Kitty!..." They want me to talk to the other birds too, so they'll get used to humans. I can just see it now, reciting poetry to them while I'm in there, lol. Not a bad idea actually. And the ferrets, those little mischievious creatures that they are... Every morning I'm telling them, "Hey guys, I'm trying to clean up here!" So I'm constantly pushing them out of the way, lol. But who couldn't love those little faces!
Thursday morning I found a wonderful card Robert had left on the table... (sigh) So sweet, that card says it all. And after work he had dinner ready, did the dishes. Later while we were watching something on TV, he's offering me a foot massage.. felt sooo good, too. Such a sweetheart, :)
The weather has been chilly this past week and I'm wondering what happened to Spring? I remember those few days it turned out really nice and warm, enough to where we even had on shorts out on the balcony. Well I'm hoping that the forecast is correct, that we'll get temperatures up in the 70's for next week.
I'm still trying to get a decent routine going, what with the new job and all. I have to settle in and find time to write, and up till now its been hard to concentrate on it. Robert tells me its just been the stress of not having a job for so long and the moving and all. And he's right, there has been a certain amount of stress with all that, I just didn't realize it. It was more that I didn't have a job, and it was taking so long to find one. But I'm really glad I was able to wait for a decent one that I knew I'd enjoy.. That way it seems less like "work" or a "grind" than if I'd stayed at the diner or even working at the mall in Moorestown. So it took a bit of time, but now things are working out, and I couldn't be happier! Well that's all for this update... Take care, everybody. I Bid You Good Day!

Its raining and the weather's cool in New Jersey, but its Spring and the trees have filled out with leaves. Enjoy the flowering ones, they remind me of Fresno's white apple blossoms that only last a few weeks, same as here. Enjoy the fact that, like the midwest there are lightening bugs in these parts (something Fresno didn't have, lol.) We even have a plant for the balcony, went to the store yesterday and picked up a hanging basket of geraniums. My mom always had geraniums in her garden... she'd start them from seed indoors right before Spring, and then when the warm weather hit, she'd plant them outside.
I have fantastic news. I got the job I was hoping for, I start Monday. I am now the Pet Shoppe's small animal caretaker. :D I'll be cleaning cages, socializing ferrets, guinea pigs, hamsters and rabbits.... birds, cats, dogs. Feed and water them as well as the reptiles, spiders and scorpions. Scorpions?! (Hey now wait a minute...) They assured me that I won't be required to handle them. The only thing would be to lift the lid and pour water into a bowl. But all in all a decent job, and one that I've wanted for a long time.
So to celebrate, Robert suggested going to Dunkin Donuts for their new Banana flavored iced latte. Kind of disappointing, not much banana taste to it, just the coffee and chocolate mostly. But, aahhh...coffee. And even though Robert didn't finish his, he still felt the effects of the espresso (which is pretty much the strongest coffee you can make.) So we ended up tossing a Frisbee around in the side parking lot to expend some of the caffein, lol. It was fun, I hadn't done that in such a long time.
The other day we brought home a DVD of The Boondock Saints and watched it... then got to thinking about how long its been since any news of a second movie, so I emailed the question of "Will there even be a sequel?" to Troy Duffy (the director.) A few days later I got a response. So here it is from THE SOURCE, there will be a sequel, entitled All Saint's Day.... eventually. No specific release date, but at least its something to look forward to. I was (pleasantly)surprised I got a response at all. If you haven't seen Boondock Saints, I highly recommend it... Robert thoroughly enjoyed it, saying the direction reminded him a bit of Tarantino... I just have to say it's still one of my all-time favorites.

Buia

This is for the touch,
either yours or mine...

The tangible comes with a smile
just after a back massage has begun
and you drop your Pringles
on the floor.

Instant relaxation
this good is a virus,
contagious with all that can be
caught and settled into the word
"content" and a joyous soul.

This is for the morning's
half-moon I can barely see
through approaching rain clouds
that look over you on your way.

This is for when we are old
and the future is now...

And this is for the full greening
of trees as we look out over
pavement to the next yard
and sigh with the realization
of warmer weather.

I have some hopeful news to report. Last night I got a call from a place where I turned in an application a few days ago. The Pet Shoppe, here in town... wanting me to come in for an interview at 2 this afternoon. I can't believe I almost turned them down outright for that mall job in Moorestown. But when I got off the phone, I stood there thinking, "What the hell did I just do?" And Robert was looking at me in shock... So I'm saying, "You know, I think I need to call them back right now." The hours would be Monday through Friday, 9-5, taking care of the animals... I'm really hoping they offer me this job, cause the more I think about it, the more perfect this sounds... I've wanted this type of job for years, even back before I was working out at Lee's Summit... (I used to tell everyone it would be my dream job.) And the hours are great, I wouldn't even mind working over, or on the weekends as well. Plus its close, here in town and all... wouldn't have to take the bus. Ooohh... I want THIS job.

Got all set to watch Survivor last night, and there were people setting up the podium for Bush to talk on Social Security.. We sat through that, hoping they would still air the show...
Has anyone been keeping up with Survivor this season? They voted off Steph... those Bastids! I would have much rather seen any of those two minor characters go instead. Now it'll be down and dirty for sure. I'm thinking Ian and Tom will be struggling to keep afloat now with strategy. I'd like to see Tom win, but Ian is a close 2nd favorite of mine at this point.

And I'm still waiting for Russell Simmons' Def Poetry. I got the full HBO schedule for May, and it wasn't listed. So I'll keep my fingers crossed for June. How dare they make us wait! Lol. I know not many people in the poetry groups I'm in watch that, or are into live readings like that, but I just have a feeling that if they watched a few times, they would surely be hooked from then on.

The weather here has been cool, almost chilly. Its supposed to rain tonight but hopefully after that there will be some more sunny weather. I've noticed the trees have really filled out - this just in the past few weeks. I can remember when there was still snow and the ground, and plows making paths through the parking lot. Yeah, Spring is a lot better. :D

What a difference a day makes... I got a call today on the phone and it was someone from another mall where I applied for janitorial positions... I didn't think too much about it before, because they had said all they had was part-time, maybe 2 days a week.. Well they called back today and offered me a full-time position, and day hours, which would be perfect.. All I need to do now is some of the preliminary stuff and I'll be working again... This is great news for me... I needed something, anything to get me out of the house in the mornings. Whew, it's just been too long without a job! Thank God this is all working out now.

Whew, busy day yesterday. A lot of walking.. all the way to Pensauken. All in all, after such a dismal start, it turned out to be a pretty good day.
I finally made my last call to Kennedy Hospital, found out they've been lying to me all this time about there even being a job position open. In one day it went from them telling me "yes, we do have openings in housekeeping." to "That's not true." What kind of assholes do they have running the place? Forgive me, I still can't help being bitter about the whole thing. I can only hope I find something else soon so that if they ever called me back with an offer I can laugh in their face. But it left me just at a total loss wondering where to go next. I was in tears the rest of the morning. (Damn them) But by the afternoon, things were starting to look up. Robert invited me on a hike to get some paperwork done. It was a long trek, windy on the way there, but a very good experience. It was good for me to get back out, expend some energy, cause otherwise I would have been just sitting there at home feeling sorry for myself. On the way there, I was keeping track of some of the new places I could go to apply; some hotels where I could find a job. That would be a hike, but I think it would be a good thing. After all, I was doing pretty much the same thing back in Independence. A 45-minute walk to work, so I know I could do it. I enjoyed it then, I know I could now. The only thing I didn't enjoy about it was facing the monster new management. That was a nightmare (HCA). Also not too far from the mall is where the pet store relocated into a bigger place. So I figure I'll try there today.
On the way back we passed a WalMart supercenter. Robert said he'd never been in there, so we did some shopping; new clothes. Awesome, although I'm not used to that... It was really nice. Robert got him some new jeans for work, and some stuff for here at home.. I got some new tops and jeans... gotta take the jeans back though cause they're too big. Maybe by some miracle they'll have the same brand in my size, although I have yet to find them for the past couple of years now. They seem to have all of a sudden discontinued the smaller sizes. Its a shame too, cause they're reasonable.
Went home and had dinner... then afterward, Robert surprised me by suggesting a trip to Tower records, where we found the Boondock Saints DVD.. and the Incredibles.. Oh and Laura, I finally got the Greenday CD, so you don't need to burn it for me after all.... the new U2.... Lacuna Coil... the new My Chemical Romance.
After scoping out all the new places yesterday to go now, I'm ready to face things with a new zeal, not giving up. So I'm off to conquer my little part of the world, the one where I become an employed person again.

I finally got my two author's copies of my book today. I was anxious to get them, and I'd been hoping they'd show up before now... like in time for the poetry meeting here for local poets that took place last Wednesday. But today here they are; I happened to look outside the door and there the package was. Robert was asleep in the next room, and I came close to waiting till he got up, to open it. As it was, I just stared at the envelope for several minutes after I sat down and remembered to breathe, lol. Then I figured "why wait?" So I tore open the envelope and then there they were, seeing the light of day, in fresh air once again. Wow, just wow... Talk about overwhelming. Now I figure I should find the best way to promote it... Maybe the only limits are really how creative you want to be. Anyhow, this was absolutely the highlight of my day.

Gazing at Night

I wrapped myself around a star, secure
in the essence of how long it took
to find; long as it was to belong
here in peace, in this comforted aura
showing itself deep... deep.

I am still learning;
but how I love the knowledge
for its sake alone, how I
treasure it enough to whisper
this trace, these fingertips
on skin of the star I've wrapped
myself around and come home to.

Pic is from the Weekend... the game ESPN2 didn't air on Saturday. Too bad... my two favorite teams, the Wizards and Metrostars ended in a 2-2 tie.

But, in the game we DID see, the one in Salt Lake City, the stands held a sell-out crowd of 25,000. Did anyone hear that? I said it was filled to capacity, dammit! Just a note to all those out there who always said soccer would never amount to anything, who based the future popularity of the sport on an off day with less than ideal fan turn-out. Bah, look at those numbers now.. :P


A good friend in Fresno, CA sent me this greeting. He's always been good with a camera. As far as the note on the card goes, only time will tell... I really have no idea how its gonna feel when I finally get to look at that book. I'm thinking maybe sometime this week I'll find out for sure!

I was browsing my Xanga, found this...Oh Dam! Too funny, way too funny!

Watched Columbus beat D.C. United last night. I'd forgotten how much fun just seeing the games are, after being away from it so long... all that time of never really getting to watch TV, or at least a lot of what I wanted. Its just good to do that again. I've really missed the MLS... and it seems a lot has changed. One thing though, there's a game between KC and the Metrostars tonight. And although I won't be able to see it (without watching it on pay-per-view and pay a whopping $20 just for one game.) I'm so far undecided about who I'd want to win. Nah! I'll stay true to My Team... Go Wizards! Apparently ESPN will be showing games on both Fridays and Saturdays, so there will be more than enough action to provide my Soccer fix!

I had my hopes up for the last few days about a job that was close by... a pet facility/day care called All Good Dogs, that would have been a perfect job for me went by the wayside. I called for the last few days, and when I called the last time they told me the position had been filled. Damn. That and the way the hospital personnel office has been just kind of makes me feel like I'm invisible. I mean they've had housekeeping positions open for over two months now, and still seem unwilling to fill them. But finally I've still been keeping in touch with the manager at the grocery store, who tells me there's an opening in their bakery dept. (part-time, weekends and holidays) Not much, but better than nothing. I should hear something by noon today.

I've been eagerly awaiting some of that warmer weather we had a taste of a few weeks ago. They say it'll be here this weekend with temperatures close to 80. Good news there, I hope they're right.

Do you live in Wisconsin? Would you like to see this animal get shot? Would you like your kids to see this animal shot? In Wisconsin, hunters are one step closer to being allowed to do just that... Click the link and read more. Ridiculous, just ridiculous.
Yahoo News Story

Well after those three horror filled days, I've quit the diner because:
1. My coworkers seemed to have issues with each other resulting in paranoia, thinly veiled threats, shouting matches in the kitchen. I thought it best to get out before I ended up on somebody's shit list, lol.
2. The cooks couldn't (or could but refused) to speak English. Huge barrier there.
3. I took "any shift" to mean a set shift.(ie; 7-3, 3-11, 11-7) as well as to be a standard 8 hours. Apparently management's definition was based on less rigid guidelines... 5pm - 3am or longer is not my idea of ideal.

So on to bigger and better things... I'm just glad I had the option not to stay. I'm still waiting for word from Kennedy. It's been nearly a month and a half now and all I get is some "gatekeeper" on the phone who keeps saying the same thing, just leaves me with no real information. So far nothing available at the mall either... and that had looked promising too. I'm still putting out applications to different places... maybe some of those will work out.

I did find an opening at a new pet sitting service, All Good Dogs Daycare that just happened to post an ad in yesterday's paper. As it happens, the place is right across the street from me. I'm supposed to hear back from them sometime today, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. This would be as close to my dream job as I've ever gotten. Would just love to work with animals.

I'm expecting my two author's copies of "I Am Ready" hopefully sometime next week. Today or tomorrow would be even better. I try to imagine how its gonna feel once I hold my own book in my hands. It's just... I'm not gonna know how to react until it actually happens.

I've been (slowly) memorizing some old poems I like. Robert's doing the same thing, only he's leaving me in the dust on this... I think he's got three already set to memory, to my one. Lol, so far I've just got "Aquainted With The Night" by Robert Frost.

I've got to rethink this whole "Meet-up" thing now... They have it now to where coordinators have to pay a yearly fee to use MeetUp. I'm not doing it. We only have 4 in the group, that's not enough people to warrant having to pay a fee just for the name "MeetUp". There's other alternatives for basically the same thing.

Caution Crossing

Incoming... he's on a mission,
ready to commit Hari-kari
if need be.
Incoming, was heard before seen,
it's all instinct from here.
A conscious deviation from
his scheduled formation
with a constant series
of annoying honks, he's
flight rage incarnate...
Maybe he's had a bit too much
to drink, or has the most
unfortunate fear of heights.
But here he is, incoming
with a quick descent,
neck outstretched and
sharpened beak poised for
some serious cross goosing.

Unconditional

Someday I will take and hang
my pictures on walls of memory
for you to call up those dreams
at will, when visions are of
such gifts.
Someday I will read to you
sonnets of Shakespeare so that
the reminders of tragedy need
only to remain in the past,
a reminder that what I offer
asks nothing in return, of how
love gently surrounds you
and is lasting.
And here, hoping beyond hope
for the day you look toward
sunlight and find the happiness
that was lost in darkened rooms
so long ago, for the someday
I will sing to you all the love
songs you need to hear.

-- An old post from a few years ago... something good got me thinking how the past lays steps and foundations for the here-and-now, and for the brightness of what-happens-next. This one's for my Irish.

Well, my book cover finally went to print. Now the book is available online through Publish America (publishamerica.com). I'm so pleased with how the whole thing turned out... its almost unreal. Excuse me while I celebrate... *YEAH!...Woo-woo-woo...(various hip-hop gestures: raise the roof, etc..) Unbe-LIEV-able! YEAH! :D Yes!*
Ok, I think I'm better now with some of this out of my system. Just thought I'd make that little announcement there. I'm all smiles.
Work went a little better on my second night. The hours still suck, it doesn't leave much time for me and Robert to spend together, but I have to remember, this job is really only meant as a temporary thing till something better comes up, like the hospital, or the supervisory position at the mall.. Those hours would be so much better, too. I'm used to getting up early, early - not staying up past midnight before coming home. Well, its better than nothing I suppose.

What a long night it was, I didn't get home till almost midnight. I started a new job yesterday at a local diner just up the street. I'm lucky to find someplace so close. But the hours kind of suck. I just need to remember that this won't be a permanant post, and that hopefully someone from the housekeeping dept. at the hospital will call for me to come in for an interview... or even the guy at the mall. Come to think of it, I should just go ahead and call him, to see what's up. Maybe I'll get lucky and there will be that opening. I really would be more comfortable doing that kind of work... at least with that, I know what the hell I'm doing, lol. Plus the hours would be so much better. I'm not the night owl I used to be waaay back when. I was kind of unprepared as far as a uniform... I borrowed a white shirt, black pants, and a tie. Yes, a tie. I feel so Avril Levigne now.
It's beautiful weather the last couple of days. The afternoons have been so great, sitting out on the balcony just taking in the sun and a good book. I even went and got some sunscreen just in case, cause Robert and I both burn so easy. It was really getting hot, even - and its still only Spring yet. Last night things cooled off quite a bit with the rain. Today it's been cloudy with continuing rain. But even that feels nice.

My horoscope for yesterday should have read: "Beware of overprotective geese while you are out and about..." Because while walking from the bakery to the mall yesterday afternoon, Robert and I were almost attacked by one very angry goose. Lol...Great. Now instead of the territorial stray dog I used to occasionally contend with, these days I'll have to look up to fend off some personal air raid, a dive-bomb from overhead. Guess we were too close to his nest, because way down in the gulley, there was a female roosting. Apparently there's already been a few people attacked in the mall parking lot, just after getting out of their cars. Guess it all depends on where they park...

I've been trying some different things lately... Yoga, new ideas for my poetry group, memorizing certain poems - just to know I can do that. I may have picked the wrong poem to start with though, because of the way it's written.. people just don't talk like that anymore, with the "doth" and irregular placement in context of certain words. I wasn't fully aware of how hard this was till I was called upon out of the blue to recite this thing. And you know, my mind drew a complete blank even though just that afternoon I could recite the damn thing word for word. I think maybe it's cause I was just caught off guard.

Tried to catch the beginning of a movie on cable I wanted to see, the one about Sylvia Plath was on HBO last night but didn't start till 10 pm. After about 20 minutes I knew I wasn't gonna make it till the end. I'm always missing movies - omg, I'm notorious for falling asleep trying to watch something on TV. So I went to bed before that happened. Good thing we have it on DVD, I really was enjoying it. When they started spouting out poetry, just off the top of their head... and getting passionate about it... DAMN! It was like watching Def Poetry... only difference was they were reciting other's work instead of their own. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna catch the rest of that movie soon.

8 Fragments for Kurt Cobain by Jim Carrol

1
Genius is not a generous thing
In return it charges more interest than any amount
of royalties can cover
And it resents fame
With bitter vengeance

Pills and powders only placate it awhile
Then it puts you in a place where the planet's
poles reverse.
Where the currents of electricity shift

Your body becomes a nagnet and pulls to it despair
and rotten teeth,
Cheeze Whiz and guns

Whose triggers are shaped tenderly into a false
lust
In timeless illusion

2
The guitar claws kept tightening, I guess, on your
heart stem.
The loops of feedback and distortion, threaded
right thru
Lucifer's wisdom teeth, and never stopped their
reverberating
In your mind
And from the stage
All the faces out front seemed so hungry
With an unbearably wholesome misunderstanding

From where they sat, you seemed so far up there
High and live and diving

And instead you were swamp crawling
Down, deeper
Until you tasted the Earth's own blood
And chatted with the buzzing-eyed insects that
herion breeds

3
You should have talked more with the monkey
He's always willing to negotiate
I'm still paying him off...
The greater the money and fame
The slower the pendulum of fortune swings

Your will could have sped it up...
But you left on an airplane
Because it wouldn't pass customs and immigration

4
Here's synchronicity for you:

Your music's tape was inside my Walkman
When my best friend from summer camp
Called with the news about you
I listened then...
It was all there!
Your music kept cutting deeper and deeper valleys
of sound
Less and less light
Until you hit solid rock
The drill bit broke
and the valley became
A thin crevice, impassable in time,
As time itself stopped.

And the walls became vises of brilliant notes
Pressing in...
Pressure
That's how diamonds are made
And that's where it sometimes all collapses
Down in on you.

5
Then I translated your muttered lyrics
And the phrases were curious:
Like "incognito libido"
and "Chalk Skin Bending"

The words kept getting smaller and smaller
Until
Separated from their music
Each letter spilled out into a cartridge
Which fit only in the barrel of a gun

6
And you shover the barrel in as far as possible
Because that's where the pain came from
There where the demons were digging

The world outside was blank
Its every cause was just a continuation
Of another unsolved effect

7
But Kurt...
Didn't the thought that you would never write
another song
Another feverish line or riff
Make you think twice?
That's what I don't understand
Because it's kept me alive, above any wounds

8
If only you hadn't swallowed yourself into a coma
in Rome...
You could have gone to Florence
And looked into the eyes of Bellini or Rafael's
Portraits

Perhaps inside them
You could have found a threshold back to beauty's arms
Where it all began

No matter that you felt betrayed by her
That is always the cost
As Frank said,
Of a young artist's remorseless passion

Which starts out as a kiss
and follows like a curse

-- There was a special on TV several years ago, long before Russell
Simmons Def Poetry on cable, that showcased spoken word poets.
Someone introduced this "fierce poet" and Jim Carrol started reading
after the death of Cobain. It really struck me because I'd heard
about him from as far back as I can remember, "Basketball Diaries"
and all that. Here I thought he was gonna be this 70 year old guy
walking out, but there he stood, just as vital and asking the
perpetual "Why?" as the words in the poem, voiced from the living to
the dead. It definitely made an impact.

Get More Music Videos @ MusicFeet.com

I've thought about doing something new in my poetry group, Bailey's Java Cafe. Have one day a week set aside as "Lyrics Day" where members can post their favorite song lyrics. And to go along with that, I could also post my favorite for the month. Complete with maybe a video, like the one here, or just an audio version of some songs.
I don't know how many of you saw recently this band U2 inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Kind of disconcerting though, when you think of it. I was always under the impression they only do that when a band seems to be nearing the end of their career. I'm not ready for that, and neither are they. From the looks of things, these guys won't be slowing down anytime soon, and they've definitely earned the honor.
Such a great band... They've been one of my favorites for years. Just look how long they've lasted. And their music has always had lyrics that were more than lyrics somehow. Bono is a poet, so being a poet makes a singer/songwriter more than just a musician. Couldn't count, really, how many songs are among my favorites, almost all... these come to mind first though: "Numb", "Bad", "Where The Streets Have No Name"... wow, all the way up to "Vertigo" and the song Bono wrote for his father, "Sometimes You Can't Make it on your own." All great songs. So here's a toast to U2, fire up those Bic lighters (for those of you under 25, activate your cell phones.)

Custom Narnia

Sundogs and moonbeams
incense, cats and candles.
And what a soundscape of
harp, mandolin, old-new
school punk to grunge to
the heaviest of metal gods.
I love it all, this library,
this memorization;
an education all its own.
Go back and salvage
all of what you've missed
through all these years...
Seems I've found my own
chronicles, the ones
that fit me best.

What Faith Can Do

He extends to me
a book of constellations
and I say,
Now I can learn
something more of value
of what has been
endless in this life.

The stars have always
known what it is to
want, have always felt
what it means to have faith
and now, watching from their
distant perch, they know
another element and follow
my realization of contentment.

Bukowski Poem by Bob Flanagan

Bukowski Poem by Bob Flanagan

I started writing this poem
where Pamela and I
are sitting in a bar in Santa Monica
and she shows me some of her new poems.

I tell her they're not very good

and she starts yelling and throwing
glasses and all of a sudden I realize
it sounds a lot like
a Bukowski poem.
Shit, I say, it sounds a lot like
a Bukowski poem.
What am I doing writing like
Bukowski?

I rip it up and toss it on the floor
beside the ants and the empty bottles
and Pamela's candy wrappers.

What's wrong with you? she asks.

Oh, nothing, I say, it's just that
I'm starting to write like Bukowski.

Well, what's wrong with that, she says.
He's a nice guy. I talked to him on
the phone one time. I asked him if he'd
like to do a reading. He said no but
to keep buying his books.

There's nothing wrong with Bukowski,
I say. I just don't want to write
like him. I have a hard enough time
writing my own stuff, let alone
Bukowski's too. And besides, he's
doing an ok job of it on his own.

I go to the refrigerator for a beer
but there's just a lot of milk and
Pepsi-Cola. How come we don't have any
beer? I ask.
Don't be an ass, she says. You know
we never buy beer. Since when
do you want a beer? I think you're going out of your mind, she says.

You may be right, I say.

And I go into the bathroom and feel
like vomiting but can't.
I fill the tub with hot water.
CHRIST! I yell.
I don't take baths; Bukowski takes
baths; I take showers!
I shut the water off and sit down
on the crapper. I'm constipated and
I have hemorrhoids and Pamela is
pounding on the door.
Hurry-up in there, she says;
I HAVE TO TAKE A PISS!

Ok, I say. It figures -- somebody has to
piss in this poem; it wouldn't be right
without pissing.

~~ Bob Flanagan (1952-1996) was a poet and performance artist. He was the author of five books of poetry: The Kid is the Man, Fuck Journals, The Wedding of Everything, Slave Sonnets and Taste of Honey with David Trinidad. He was the subject of the RE/Search book Bob Flanagan: Supermasochist and the film documentary Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist.

I've started a new venue for poets here in Cherry Hill, NJ, a way to actually meet with other writers and discuss poetry, maybe some new projects, current books, etc. It would be a great way to meet and get to know other writers in the area. I was in a similar group in Kansas City, but all the locations were so far away, they were always difficult to get to. So now that I'm here, I thought why not start one myself? So, if anyone is interested, here is the link. Or you can email me for more info. Cherry Hill Poetry Meetup

Easter weekend... oh Easter weekend. We had a bit of a crises. Taz (our cat) went missing last Saturday afternoon. We started out by doing a search around the bulding outside, thinking he might have left by the balcony. But if that was the case, he could have easily fallen and gotten hurt. So since we didn't find him there, the only other option was that he was hopefully still in the building somewhere. So we start knocking on door asking if anyone had seen him. Finally somebody told us the maitenance guy had seen him up on the third floor, and was asking if they knew anything about this cat. Well, we should have immediately went up there and started knocking on doors. Instead we put in a call to the maintenance guy and left a message... he didn't call back so by the next morning, we put in another call. This time the weekend maintenance guy called us back saying he didn't know anything about Taz, and that we would most likely have to wait until Monday when the other guy shows up, since he was off duty at the time. I put up notices everywhere I could think of. Then yesterday morning, there's a knock on the door. Someone on the third floor found him right outside her apt. leaning up against the door. Who knows where he'd been the rest of the time. Only she'd seen a guy down the hall leave with his hand all bandaged up.. so maybe that's where Taz was all this time. Anyway... Taz is back home now. He seemed really spooked at first, really tired and just wanted to hide under the couch. He's doing a lot better today, though. More back to being his old self.. And with that, both me and Robert can breath a sigh of relief. So glad to have the old butterball back. Poor guy, he must have been scared out of his mind.

Baby, I can't wait...

... Cause I've been truly anticipating the start of this year's games for some reason... Maybe its just now I'm finally getting the chance to really enjoy some of the things I used to. And I know who to thank for that.

Major League Soccer's 10th season Kicks-Off on Saturday 2 April 2005 with a match between new club Chivas USA and defending MLS Champions D.C.United.
MLS Schedule April 2005
All Times ET
Note: Dates and Times can be subject to change.
Saturday 2 April 2005
Chivas USA vs D.C. United 3:00 p.m. ABC
MetroStars vs Real Salt Lake 7:00 p.m.
Columbus Crew vs Los Angeles Galaxy 7:30 p.m. HDNet
Kansas City Wizards vs Colorado Rapids 8:00 p.m.
FC Dallas vs Chicago Fire 8:30 p.m.
San Jose Earthquakes vs New England Revolution 10:00 p.m.

Happy Easter, Everybody...

Here's wishing everyone out there a wonderful, Happy Easter.

Comparison

It's from still frost on every windshield,
haze over the moon hanging to the right
of a squared pine untapped through
a false Spring, we are waiting
like the thoughts of wild geese
interrupting sleep and lingering
till awakening.

I know it could have been the light
infused through its age, so that
the contrast against this morning's
grayest skies could be as noticable
to me as an old life to the new...

To my right, a white tiger dreams
of pouncing practice on makeshift
trampolines, then runs off to wait
for his daily ritual brushing
before my coffee.

Every so often I put a reminder up here about shelter animals... and you've read my site for any length of time, you probably know by now I'm such a softie for dogs and cats... So, here's another reminder...This site provides .6 bowls of food to those in shelters everytime you click the purple button "Feed an animal in need." There's nothing more to it...

Over ten million animals are abused, neglected or abandoned yearly. You can help each day with a free click!

Visit The Animal Rescue Site at http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com daily and click the purple button. That simple action gives food to an abandoned or abused animal.

There is no cost to you! Funding for nutritious food is paid by site sponsors and goes to nonprofit animal welfare organizations who use it to feed animals living in their shelters and sanctuaries.

The Animal Rescue Site was launched in July of 2002 and generated 22.9 million bowls of food for animals in its first year, and more than 28 million bowls in 2003! With your help, many more animals will benefit in 2005. It all depends on the number of people who visit the site.

Please click at The Animal Rescue Site once a day and forward this email on so more people can help give animals the happy, healthy lives they deserve!

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Universe

The pull of the moon
was never a rival
to the pull of you
on nights with no sleep
your pull was a lifeline
to hold close through
distance, days and nights,
the reflection of a candle
ricocheted from an east coast
somewhere toward the center
and back again, the place
where I was and held nothing
but random hours to meet
with a rhythm or the cadence
of a phrase and the perfect
line...
So like the reluctant
phantom that you were,
only now fill the aching
empty soul that was mine.
Every word, thought,
spoken or dreamed holds
no candle to this touch
felt when you love me;
you are my center of
a universe, richer even
now than sixty seconds past.

Currently Playing
My Favorite Headache
By Geddy Lee


Ok, so maybe I'm not listening to this since I don't have it. Consider it wishful thinking... I've been running searches for several things, website info and book reviews, etc. This was one of them... got a little sample of a listen at some Rush download type thing-a-ma-jig, and what I heard was impressive. Isn't technology grand? (Except that Xanga images won't transfer so well to Blogspot, lol.)

It's the first day of spring and they were calling for rain and wet snow here today. We got the rain anyhow, it's stopped for the time being. And to think I was hoping for sunny skies... I want to go someplace and throw a Frisbee around a while... stretch my legs, get out in the open air... something active. I suppose if I was totally ambitious, I'd do something inside, like yoga and that's all fine and everything, but not really the same as going outside, having fun. Hey, kick a soccer ball around or something. Silliness! Maybe go on a "larch" expedition or something.

Not working still has its downside. I've decided I'm going back up there in person to find out what's going on. When there's an open position in a place like that, it would make sense for the company to want to find someone to fill it ASAP, right? I'm perfect for the job... though I'm starting to wonder now if my resume somehow got misplaced and the right person never got the damn thing. Not to worry though, I'll get to the bottom of this... by calling and then going back in person.

On the home front... haven't talked about this much. Let's just say I feel like the luckiest person alive. Everything bad I've gone through in the past year and a half has all been worth it, even some of the relatively recent stuff. I'm where I want to be, where I belong and beside the one I want to be with. It took a long time to get here, and a lot of risk. Now there's peace instead of chaos, and I don't think I've ever been this happy. Life is good :D

What Of Bukowski

Bizarre parked itself at the
complex next door,
laid in wait among the letters
on the side of a workman's
pick-up, proclaiming
"Bukowski Plumbing."

What would this mean, exactly
to think that some forgetfulness
holding mirrored temperament;
to claim that for some odd
unknowable reason, the integrity
of an original barfly could
run rampant through and above
the slipshod rat-race of humanity
once again.

Oh, surely the consequence
that would bring, sailing
a direct hit, this flying
in the face of breaking
the mold; with the longest
of poems, shortest of stories
each with a point to make,
a story to tell.


(Actually saw a van in the parking lot the other day, with "Bukowski Plumbing" painted on the side. I knew I should have run down there and got a picture, otherwise... nah, nobody's gonna ever believe this! But it is true.)

Well here's hoping everyone had a great St. Patrick's Day... That is, I hope everyone survived and is not too hung over.

Spring is two days away, and still hard to believe that Easter is just around the corner now in a few weeks. I'm all for that, the warm weather, being able to go outside and not need a jacket, spend time in the sun, and go for a walk just for the sake of going for a walk. I'm way more than ready for some decent weather, lol. And I have a feeling its gonna be a great Spring and Summer... A lot to look forward to, like my own book released in a few months as well ("I Am Ready"). I'm still waiting from PA on word about the cover art. Maybe sometime today, hopefully. But I really can't complain, I feel lucky that I didn't have to wait another year before they went ahead with it. After the move they seemed ok with picking up where they left off, so I didn't have to start the process over from the very beginning.

I seem to have two major prospects in the works regarding a JOB. One is (of course) the EVS slot at the hospital here, and the other is a supervisory position at the local mall. This one hinges on whether or not they decide to keep the current lead. I've never hoped for anyone to lose their job... but if they don't want to do it right... I'm right there to take it and not even think twice about it. Ruthless, huh?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

... And I do hope olla ye dinnae furget to be wurrin' th' green!

Just a bit of news today. Some very good friends of mine have recently had their work published. Check it out...

Among the new book releases in the past few months are Sherrie Parnell's new collection of poems, "A Sip Of Sherrie." You can find it through Publish America, or email her for a copy. This is her first ever published work, so congratulations, Sherrie!

The second collection from Bob Browning, "Mosaicist, is just as much a treasure as his first, "Sometime Poet", which was released last year. Both of his books are also available online through http://www.publishamerica.com. (By the way, Sherrie did a wonderful job with the original designs on both Bob's newest book cover as well as her own.)

Also a new release,Stephen Brooke's "Pieces Of The Moon," is available at his site, http://lulu.com/stephenbrooke.

So congratulations to these talented folks. Be sure to check out their latest work and give them your support!

I am so ready for warmer weather. Just yesterday, the sun was out and it was nice to stand outside on the balcony a few times in the afternoon... but always after a certain time approaching early evening, the slight chill comes back in tandem with the setting sun. I can't wait for the Spring, when you won't need a jacket just to sit outside. A rough winter, from all the ice storms and floods where I started out to a little milder here in the east. There was a major snow storm that followed me all the way out here though in early January, starting in St. Louis. That one dumped a couple of feet in some places.
Did some fine tuning on the new (though still amateur-like) website for the group, Bailey's Java Cafe. Its something of a newsletter for group members, to highlight what new projects they have coming up, any kind of news they want posted. So check it out, won't you?
Bailey's Newsletter
Always on the look-out for new poets in the group, or even those who just enjoy reading poetry.

Chi

There is
something always so perfect
in the sway, watching
that shift in balance,
the act and energy
of demonstration, the
side-to-side.

Display confidence,
display peace,
quality of breath in measured
form; intake, outgoing.

Standing close now
I'm wondering if this is
actually what he means
by "zen"
as I fall so much deeper.

Sense of Place

From outside in
there are stars
everywhere
a representation that
follows the same path
as Orion's belt nightly,
as symphonic an
instrumental burning up
the night and vanished
by morning.

Stars and sun and moon,
a morning blend, cats
and candlelight -
to me everything here
tastes and sounds
like belonging,
everything here touches
more like home than a
home ever was.

Indian Spring

There - with the sky still so dark
and the air so brittle and crisp
that if anything in this tapestry
should shift the scene would
snap and there would be left a
jagged seam to gaze on.

A break in the beginning colors
of the day moving on slowly over
the flatness of horizons, streamed
through barriers of branches
still towering and alive and
breathing unseen just under the
surface.

There was warmth offered in the
span of one day, then vanishing
sudden, now the trees are bitter
with hope of a false Spring, persuaded
minutes, hours into nearly opening
full just for us.

Awesome news today when I least expected it. I got my page proofs in an email from the publisher, to go over and return. That means "I Am Ready" will be ready and in print possibly as soon as the summer, and not the full year I'd thought. I'm so excited about this. I had to run and tell Robert, "Aw! You gotta come see this..." He was just as surprised as I was, that they decided to keep me in the loop and not make me wait again. I have to admit though, its hard to get a real grasp on the whole thing, I keep going back to the file, check and see if it's still there, lol. I'll definitely keep this updated, that's a given. :D

Gacela of the Dark Death by Frederico Garcia Lorca

I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to withdraw from the tumult of cemetries.
I want to sleep the dream of that child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

I don't want to hear again that the dead do not lose their blood,
that the putrid mouth goes on asking for water.
I don't want to learn of the tortures of the grass,
nor of the moon with a serpent's mouth
that labors before dawn.

I want to sleep awhile,
awhile, a minute, a century;
but all must know that I have not died;
that there is a stable of gold in my lips;
that I am the small friend of the West wing;
that I am the intense shadows of my tears.

Cover me at dawn with a veil,
because dawn will throw fistfuls of ants at me,
and wet with hard water my shoes
so that the pincers of the scorpion slide.

For I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to learn a lament that will cleanse me to earth;
for I want to live with that dark child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

-- A good article on this poet was in yesterday's Philadelphia Enquirer. I'd heard the name before, but only remembered it vaguely. But after doing a search on Lorca, I found some of his poems... and this one really stood out on the page. Also, if you want to read the article, here's the link: http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/entertainment/11051091.htm

Just a shout out to all of you Celtic/Punk music fans out there. Check out Flogging Molly when they come through your area. These guys were in Philly last night and the night before (but alas, I didn't know this until today.) They are currently on tour and headed west. By the way... all you crazies in KC, make sure you catch them when they hit the Beaumont Club on March 11. From there, they'll be in Vegas, to Bakersfield, L.A. and various other California dates before they start on the European leg of the tour... Go to their official website and get the full info.

Just before falling asleep the other night, we heard from the next apartment a little jingle from a TV ad. No words, just a high-pitched tune, went a little something like this: Do-doo-do-do-doo, Do-doo-do-do-doo... So for the next few days, we were driving ourselves crazy trying to remember which commercial it was from... Then it hit me as I was sitting at the table late one afternoon, half reading, half listening to the television when it came across again. It was a Vonage phone service ad that also offers high speed internet... Mystery solved. But now whenever I'm in the same room or pass the TV on my way out to the balcony, that song gets stuck in my head... Do-doo-do-do-doo! Well, I suppose that's a sure shot better than "Who Let the Dogs Out," or the "Macarena" or even Dah-daah-daah-duh! which accompanied a Volkswagon commercial a few years ago... although, I'm not too sure if that's a good thing. I'm left to wonder... Do I have too much time on my hands these days?

I can't get enough of Bukowski... so here's another one from the book "Betting On The Muse"

the shape of the star by Charles Bukowski

well, you know, he started out as a
comedian
and then it was decided to make
him into a serious
actor,
the public always like that.
and then we decided to make him
politically aware,
we got him to pitch
all the right causes.
then Publicity sent out a story:
how he pulled a woman from a
wrecked car,
how he contributed large sums
to various charities while asking
that his name not be
revealed,
how he was going to give this
Benefit or that Benefit,
donating his time and
talent,
how he saved a child from
drowning,
how he did this and that.
we worked our asses black
and blue to create his
Public Image,
we were just starting to reap
a profit,
then, what happens?
the son of a bitch gets
drugged,
runs his Mercedes off a
cliff near Malibu
and kills himself.

we couldn't do much with
that one.
we claimed some communists
who disliked some of his
causes
had messed with his
brake cables.

that took pretty well
but all in all
we finally had to write him
off
as a dead loss.

we got a new one now,
found some boy
working behind a fish
counter.
Tom is perfect:
totally bland features,
even a few
freckles,
large empty eyes
and a dog-like
grin.
he's a bit addled,
but the clay's all there,
we'll shape him into
what they think they
need.

only with this one
we're going to use a
new twist, we are going to
start him as a serious
actor
and then turn him into
a comedian.

we're thinking all the time
here,
that's what makes
Hollywood
what it
is.

~ Bukowski

( I like to think that if you replaced the word "communists" with "rappers" the story would still be current.)

In Root

If you can stare at the blank
page long enough, they will come.
Stand guard over rides come to rest
in a parking lot long after dusk
has settled in for the night,
surrounding a first floor balcony,
they will surely come.

Analyze the bark where a tree stands
at the end, push-packed in
snowdrifts furthest from the drive;
they will eventually come.

They will come numbered as passengers
in planes beginning their descent
from the skies, the air
is full of them. They are myriad
meanings en route, in root.

Its all there.
Its all here.
How scary is the page, really?

At any other time, any other location
I would have prayed hard for deliverance
from all things of obstacle, that which
stifles and blocks and torments.
But not today.

And the story continues:
http://www.courierpostonline.com/news/southjersey/m030205d.htm
I guess I'll keep posting updates on this until justice is served... :P

No there's nothing new at the moment... I did hear from Jason, and in a vague kind of way, Laura too. She didn't want to email me - says that email is so yesterday, in other words:

"emailing is for losers lol....how have u been..i have no minutes on my phone..so i cant call u..but u can call the house phone if u need to get a hold of me..well ill ttyl...luv yas..byee"

They all communicate out in the open now on their Xangas I guess. No privacy, nothing to hide... which, come to think of it, could be a good thing, lol.

I'm still waiting on calls. There's supposed to be one from Pathmark sometime today... I'm gonna take the job if they offer it.. I'm going crazy from not doing anything. I never thought it would be like this. I was told its just because its been a slow time everywhere, after the holidays. So I'm really hoping things will pick up now. I can't wait to start working again, I can't say that enough. This really feels like some kind of limbo and I'm more than ready to get out of it.

There's a light snow falling early this morning. Unless you're looking out from underneath an overhang or out in it before anyone else is, you'd have to look at the streetlights to see that its even there at all. A haze over the best parts of the morning, and hardly a breeze; the snow is just drifting downward. Slowly. It was a little different last night when I wrote this:


Cause and Effect

I am surrounded by
the night air with its clear
breath of ice and plural
reflection its crystals.
This vision is pure,
I sense; too far away
and the soul is meant to
watch from where it stands
and wonder how long before
those still in existance burn out
completely.
From stillness the awful silence
churns since hours immemorial
until implosion sets a time frame
closing in on itself
like cardboard dominoes
becoming ash
in slow motion.

There is No Title

How many rotten things
in Denmark, Scotland
or Ireland...
My words gone
called away wasted
into a void, black hole
of eventual love tuned
out, turn away, tone deaf
when there's nothing to
say or hear...
My words gone into
a length of no tomorrow.
How many more times
would it be ok to whisper
in your ear, "I miss you"
You become a shadow I need
to touch. Kill me with this
closeness just out of reach,
worse than before and still
worth the pain.

I'm not alright,
but I will be.

I'm waiting patiently for a call from Kennedy Hospital. I turned in an application there last Friday. Ok, so I'm not all that patient in the waiting... I'm just so anxious to get back to work. Its all just got me jittery. Its been way too long, I need to get to work, get a paycheck coming in, make myself useful.. have a purpose for the day.
Geez... God, I hope they call today. That place would be perfect, they have several openings I found out when I went there. I left them my resume along with the application I filled out. It's close, within walking distance (not even as far as when I walked to Regional.) Like I said, that place would be so perfect. Well, enough of that... They'll call, they'll call. I'm ready for an interview NOW.
I found an update on what I posted yesterday...
Since this is an ongoing story about the local animal abuse case, I'm posting a link for updates.
http://www.courierpostonline.com/news/southjersey/m022805e.htm

Animal Abuse Rant

Inexcusable, well worth an angry outburst. I've had it with people who think they can get away with things like this... it happens everywhere. And again it's very close to where I live, both figuratively and literally. But as angry as I am, I found some good things to this story. One is the fact that the perpetrators and location are mentioned by name in the media...Yes! Let everyone know what monsters are on the next street or block... They deserve the unwelcome attention. Now it's only a matter of time before they're found. And two, judging from the article it sounds like the authorities are ready to make the charges stick. I really hope it gets to that point. I've seen so many cases where there's a breakdown in the system, (The "Boys will be boys" syndrome, if you will) where the abuser may get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Or a witness is intimidated to the point where he or she drops the charges. Any number of things could happen between now and then; the point where someone actually serves jail time for an offense. I find it hard to believe that many people still operate under the umbrella of ignorance, claiming they didn't know that animal neglect and abuse is considered a crime now. So yeah, I'm calling for these two to be turned in. I'm calling for criminal charges and proceedings. I'm calling for jail time. For once, make an abuse case stick.

33 dogs rescued at Maple Shade house
Sunday, February 27, 2005

A neighbor's complaint about excessive dog barking led to the rescue Saturday of 33 dogs living in filth at a home here.
More than half the dogs were malnourished, said Matt Stanton, spokesman for the state Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Some had parasites, but all will recover, Stanton said.
Authorities are looking for Michael and Shirley Smith, the couple who had been renting the home at 130 W. Rudderow Ave., where the dogs were found.
Michael, 57, is believed to have worked for an auto auction in Philadelphia, Stanton said. Shirley's age is 55. Together, they will be charged with a combined 396 counts of animal cruelty, abandonment, failure to provide proper shelter and failure to provide proper sustenance.
The SPCA posted a warning on the house. After 48 hours, agents determined that no one had been in the home during that time.
Agents found 17 dogs locked in one bedroom. Stanton said five air conditioners were running in an effort to ventilate the home. The dogs were taken to the Burlington County Animal Shelter, where they are being treated.

I'm in a colorful mood today while I'm waiting for Spring... There was snow last Thursday, chilly today. Tomorrow will be alright, but Monday they say we're gonna get hit with more snow. A lot more.
I've been putting applications everywhere I can think of. Just yesterday I found just how close the hospital actually was... its like a ten-minute walk from here. Now I'm kicking myself for not going there sooner (instead of going all these other places by bus the next couple of towns over and having to transfer... and ending up lost, lol.) Well the good part is, there are positions open and I have experience in at least two separate departments. Some are part-time, some a full shift, and the hours would be perfect. I'm hoping they call early next week. In the meantime, I've gone to interviews at PetSmart and Pathmark, and should hear back from one of them soon too, I hope. Got another interview on Monday, hope the weather isn't too bad.

Has anybody been watching Survivor? Better catch it while you can, already two shows down and 4 members gone... Things happen fast on that show. Oh, and not to forget American Idol. This should get good, too as time goes on. But, oh woe is me... I have yet to hear anything about my absolute favorite show -Russell Simmons' Def Poetry. I'm wondering if they haven't actually cancelled it by now. :( Not a good thing.

The sense of self-worth at this point is equal to employment. Almost driving myself crazy... Is it time to panic yet? In a few minutes, I'll call someone named Dave to find out what's available at his end. This after he accidentally let his associate fill the position I was to interview for.. After that, I'm going to Voorhees to intervew for a hotel housekeeping job. Yesterday I sent a few applications online, the day before that, I went to Petsmart and survived the first of a potentially two-part interview. I haven't heard back from them yet.
There's a storm coming, about 3 inches of accumulated snow. Hopefully I'll get back before it gets too bad.
Well, as for the evening - There's always the second installment of Survivor... Let's watch!

Presentation

If only you knew the pull of words,
understand when the sound is
never dry recitation.
Understand then - that the pull
is vital when lifted off a page,
levitated with the force of purpose,
drama pulling conscience toward some
pulse of survival, to be in the moment
of a phrase, a unique absolute full of
electrons - a sappy, sureal natural
high just to watch.
And listen.
And learn.
Wouldn't you thank God for this?
Thank the muse for presentation
like that? We all would.
One to stand up, throw down
seeking to shock, anger,
make you cry, handstand for joy;
get inside your brain,
get inside your soul.
All the words to get you
and me up out of our seats and
osmosis the cause like microscopic
cells thriving in a Martian sea
of ice.

-- Not only remembering all the Def Poetry performances on cable, which I wish would show up again soon... But really going all the way back to the Java Cafe in Fresno when I went to my first poetry reading. They invited a group of spoken-word poets from Sacramento and I was just blown away by the whole evening. They read from notebooks... They read and every word they spoke seemed to have a life of its own.

Well, there were tornados in Sacramento... it reminds me of that movie "The Day After Tomorrow" when the weather everywhere went haywire. I still have friends in Fresno, just hope they're dealing with all the rain and mudslides ok.
I've been keeping busy with applications and interviews. Some places haven't worked out, but I'm trying to keep something happening everyday. Like this morning I was to go for an interview, so I called before I headed out. The guy told me his partner had already filled the position. But like I said, I'm trying to have something happening on a regular basis until I find something. I've been to Target, a grocery store, some places at the Mall. Today I went to PetSmart for an interview, hope they call me back for a second one. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that, 'cause I would love that kind of work. They have a couple of openings so that doubles my chances, plus its so close to home... would be just perfect for me.
Home... I think the best thing I ever could have done was move here, away from all the stress and everything else, I don't think I've ever been as happy. I think back on how long I've wanted this this and how scary, how much of a risk it was... always knew it would be well worth the risk, and never imagined just how good this was going to be. So in love... I could touch his face, spend hours looking into his eyes.

Cool news on the ASPCA

Russell Simmons Joins the ASPCA in Launching Anti-Cruelty Campaign
Tuesday, February 1, 2005

Hip-Hop mogul appears in national public service announcement campaign and takes a stand against animal cruelty.

(NEW YORK, NY) February 1, 2005 -- Hip-hop mogul, entrepreneur, political activist, and animal lover Russell Simmons has joined The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) to launch a national campaign to help raise awareness of and eliminate animal abuse and neglect.

"There is nothing cool about being cruel to animals, they have no choice and no voice," says Simmons, who is featured in a national television and print public service announcement (PSA) campaign. "Animal cruelty happens every day in America and people just sit by and do nothing."

The ASPCA is encouraging Americans to be vigilant for animal cruelty in their neighborhoods and visit www.aspca.org to learn how to identify possible animal cruelty.

A Duster

Bits of a cloud, several clouds
descended this morning
like confetti and left dust
on Einstein branches centered
across the way, viewed from
the loft where I stand.

No two configurations
are exactly alike
but once in a while,
every once in a while
you can find one
that bears an almost
perfect mirror image
of another.

I've been putting my resume and applications online since before I moved. Last week I went in person to the Mall out here to put in some applications, among them a place in the food court called the Lotus Blossom. Its next to a cajun entre place - two different restaurants, same management. Well I was put to work the next night, unpaid training, in the same spot behind the counter... hardly any movement at all.. I could tell right away, that was not the job for me. I even came close to calling over some of the janitors just to ask if they wanted to trade jobs, lol... Well of course I never went back. But... Now here's the good news. I got a call yesterday morning from someone who'd seen my resume online and wanted to set up an interview for Monday, here in town. The file clerk position would be an easy route to get to by bus. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Finally figured out how to send a file (to the publishers) - having access to a real computer and not just a webtv deal certainly helps. So now that I know for sure that they have my file, I'll just say that the book I Am Ready is in text production stage, and that it will still be quite a while till I hear more about it. I figure I'm just lucky to be able to send the stuff they needed, I went months trying to figure how to do it with something that couldn't even open a file, lol.

These Stars

How early this morning
to brave a chilled breeze,
a lingering before dawn that
hovers among balconies before
passing on its way.
I reach with icy fingers
for a warm coffee mug,
then face upwards
to a still dark sky where
the brightest signals
are steady;
they are still here
as I am still here.
I thank them:
This is what I've wanted,
this is what I cherish now.
His heart is pure
and we are together.

I was reminded of this just the other day, so I went back and looked for the link. Please, if you have a few extra seconds during your day, click this link to help a shelter or homeless animal. Visiting the site won't cost you a cent, and every click means a small sponsored donation for homeless animals.
The Animal Rescue Site

Well, after months and months of stewing about the book, not having access to a real computer to send a file of the manuscript. I've sent it off to the publishers. Hopefully its in the right format this time. The last time I sent it (and I really thought it went through) they never got it. I have my fingers crossed, wish me luck. The next thing is the waiting.
Went on an application-filling mission yesterday at the local mall. A lot of stops at the food court, although many of them didn't seem to know what an application was... well, one didn't, lol. Then later on to a Target store for some supplies: Coffeemaker and filters. So today there was some Real Coffee :D I'd almost forgot what I was missing. Stopped by a PetSmart, found that they take mass applications/interviews every Tuesday at 3 pm. so I'm really wanting to get back there next week, that would be a better place to work, the way I am around animals.
I've filled out more applications here within the past week than my entire time in Philly... Its such a better place for jobs, and nearly anything else, than where I was before.

For Confirmation

I want to capture the trees,
darkroom them inside,
place the squared all around

the stark white spaces
where you can vision them
year-round in your sleep,

underneath perfect branches
all for your faith in the
first stars, the brightest stars

shining through them, there for you
to count scientific with prisms
and tubes and maps of the sky
for conformation.

I want to capture the trees.

Giggle Factor

I was not so much fragile
then as serious
even then as now
such wants and needs
are pure as candlelight
but the heartfelt timbre
of your laughter grows
and gains yet another
level of integrity
like the inside plane
of a joke
that no one but us
understands.

Security Synonomous

It can never come from an
outside world to be grabbed
like the short hairs on some
CEO, a suit, a patron saint
of banks which are sometimes
built in the way of cathedrals,
ungodly monuments that stand
in the way at times crushing
what is real.
Nyet - it must come from a source.
It comes from that sense of
belonging, finding whatever
place to call home
which is only a home
because of who is there
lighting candles to
brighten the way.

Here's hoping everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day. I found it to be the way it should be, very peaceful, loving, gentle.
Oh boy, he's been spoiling me. Lol. But more than that...
"Sigh" I have been doing that a lot lately.. breathing deep sighs of relief, and enjoying it. I am lucky I was able to find what I needed. Able to offer the same and finding acceptance of it all. I've been all smiles, inside and out, been able to rest, away from the chaos of places I was before. There is such peace here at home. I am home.

Kaufman Stadium and Verizon Wireless

Hey... You remember
Sandstone? That big outdoor
place under the stars where all
the big names used to come by
and play.

Remember how we
always said it was the perfect
title for such a venue, how it
sounded like some blend, a native
whisp of herb and smoke, like
sandalwood that made it legendary
far, far into the future in the way
of Callanish.

Wow... and remember how one
or several rich sponsorships
somehow made off with it one day?
Yeah, when their pencil dashing,
bid acommodating, corporate
changing, suit wearing apostles
waved their briefcases over
each seat and merch table
like contract-filled magic wands,
and thus ransomed the legend Sandstone.

Awesome. So you do remember.

When I returned, I always did
miss that place.

Hot Pavement

The purple flowers on vines
my mother called "clematis"
twisted and followed their
path up a trellis to the
right of our front door.
On the other side,
almost hidden by them
every spring, a blue
evergreen offered home
to a nest of baby robins.
I never knew how many times
she plotted rescue from
the living room window -
I've lost count of those
sudden dashes out the door,
kitchen broom in hand
ready to shoo away the
"mean old neighbor cat"
who always came to play
with her first symbols
of spring.
I lost count.
All I chose to remember
are the endless warm days
stretching into each other
when my feet itched to
find the freedom of cool
lawns, hot pavement,
with those invariable
bloody big toe mishaps;
skin flapping as I was
forced to walk slower,
then re-enter the house:
Normal step, heel, step,
heel - try not to dirty
the floor on the way to
the bathroom medicine
cabinet holding that
trusty box of Band-Aids.
Ask myself, "One? Two is better."
I'm satisfied with a job well done,
dash back to some glorious day
again to the freedom of
sprinkler-wet grass between toes
and at dusk
with my father's warning,
"Chigger bites in the grass,
don't sit there" fading fast
im my ears, I'm off to find
a suitable container for
those strange flying things
that flicker in the air
at eye level.

One Hot Topic

I stand before you
because I didn't fall behind,
here with a story that has a
knack for giving misery
a frozen language of its own
for all its friends.
This is just some story
of a little boy with flashy
ambition, coins, colors, tattoos,
spiked blue hair with a streak
of red and an ego to match
who thought he could rule
the world
one band at a time.

~ Ok, ok.. it sounds like a shot. It probably is. All I can say is, rest in peace, Fed Up... Long live A Delicate Disaster. Hahaha!

Pain For a Daughter by Anne Sexton

Blind with love, my daughter
has cried nightly for horses,
those long-necked marchers and churners
that she has mastered, any and all,
reining them in like a circus hand-
the exitable muscles and the ripe neck;
tending, this summer, a pony and a foal.
She who is too squeamish to pull
a thorn from the dog's paw
watched her pony blossom with distemper,
the underside of the jaw swelling
like an enormous grape.
Gritting her teeth with love
she drained the boil and scoured it
with hydrogen peroxide until pus
ran like milk on the barn floor.

Blind with loss all winter,
in dungarees, a ski jacket, and a hard hat,
she visits the neighbor's stable,
our acreage not zoned for barns;
they who own the flamining horses
and the swan-whipped thoroughbred
that she tugs at and cajoles,
thinking it will burn like a furnace
under her small-hipped English seat.

Blind with pain she limps home.
The thoroughbred has stood on her foot.
He rested there like a building.
He grew into her foot like they were one.
The marks of the horseshoes printed
into her flesh, the tips of her toes
ripped off like pieces of leather,
three toenails swirled like shells
and left to float in blood in her riding boot.

Blind with fear she sits on the toilet,
her foot balanced over the washbasin,
her father, hydrogen peroxide in hand,
performing the rites of the cleansing.
She bites on a towel, sucked-in breath,
sucked-in and arched against the pain,
her eyes glancing off me where
I stand at the door, eyes locked
on the ceiling, eyes of a stranger,
and then she cries...
"Oh my God, help me!"
Where a child would have cried Mama!
Where a child would have believed Mama!
She bit the towel and called on God
and I saw her life stretched out...
I saw her torn in childbirth,
and I saw her, in that moment,
in her own death and I knew that she
knew.

~ Anne Sexton

- From Tangled Vines: A Collection of Mother and Daughter Poems, edited by Lyn Lifshin (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, publ. 1992)
-Reprinted from Live or Die by Anne Sexton (Houghton Mifflin Co. 1966)


This one really jumped out at me when I was reading through the book, partly because this is one of my favorite poets, and also maybe I was missing my daughter back in the midwest...

Guardian

There are dragon wings
rising from the
illumination of clouds
and timing is all
good things now and ever,
so much to say
even more to feel
and live, and together
there is no need to
voice them all...
He already knows
how this touch
conveys my truth,
knows how these colors
today are so much
brighter thatn the ones
of yesterday;
trees taller, sun warmer
and surrounding me safe
like his arms, comforted
we are tucked away
from the world, finding
solace in each other...
Knows the intensity
in connection, how
risk can be worth it all.
I swear sometimes
he has the peaceful face
of a guardian.

--Haha! First poem in about a month. It's about time, huh? Lol. Oh Happy Day :D

Couldn't sleep, so I'm job-hunting online... feel like hounding those ppl I've sent applications to, on a daily basis by now.. it's been a week.
... Just found out last night. I talked to my daughter on the phone... asked how Ozzy was. They got rid of him... actually got rid of him.. I wonder now, why didn't they just do it when I was prepared for it, instead of delaying the friggin' inevitable.. Damn.. not Ozzy! Yep, Ozzy.
Was my buddy, huggin-cat. Maybe somebody'll take him home. :l

Warhol's Pittsburgh

Ongoing rumble of dark, past
the snow and delays, decay of roads
and distance; how it falls away
with each view from a window seat.

Funny what you can remember
while the snowfall is still fresh-
that finally a clear Dio on this
static-ridden walkman coincides
with entering Pittsburgh...
Warhol's Pittsburgh
(means I'm closer still.)

But wait, savor that beginning
while there's still time to see it,
before it all flashes by in a series
of row houses built so close
together there doesn't seem room
enough to breathe, let alone paint.

They always said
it was the sameness of it all,
the daily grind of boredom,
the monotony and unchanging
life that launched a legend.

From A Feeling That Simply Is

For what you are
for what you always were
and what you still hope to be.

Its for how you thirst
believing only in certain paths
so many times the hardest ones
to follow; the familiar ones,
and those still unknown.
But if there was one path
most cherished, I'd wish
it to be the one that
leads you to my heart.

Its all for how you dream,
to seek, to hear, experience
so much deeper than most,
still taking in all the knowledge.

This is how you are
my friend, my fear, my need.
This is how I love you.

Well, I finally made my big move, to Philly. It was a long bus ride, with a few delays. It began snowing while on a layover in St. Louis and we followed the storm all the way to Illinois, to the next rest stop. This is where the driver had to stop till further notice, all the sleet and ice on the roads. But to make a long story short. I finally made it... like I said it was a long trip and I was just glad to finally make it here.
The place is really nice, stores about a block away, library just across the street. :) and one of the city buses pass right by here. So everything is pretty convenient to locate... I still need to get some more info on all the routes, but I'm confident that once I can find my way around a lot better, I'll be good to go... I've updated my resume (as far as new address and all) and carry a copy of it with me wherever I go, so I'm ready for putting in new applications... That's about all for now.. more later, haha.... Take care people... This new year seems to be starting out pretty good for me, I'll certainly have to say that.

No
sleep
till Philly...

Yes.. It's not a dream. I'm actually going. :)

Aha! Here's something I didn't know until five minutes ago when my friend Ginger called me on my cell. There's a huge ice storm coming in this afternoon, they're saying it may be just as bad as the last one we had a few years ago when half the city lost power for weeks..
I could be delayed getting out of here. Again.
I'm not getting on the streets with ice under snow like that, that's the worst. Maybe on foot for a short time, but I'm not asking anyone for a car ride that's for sure. Anyway, I'm hoping its not gonna be as bad as they're saying.. or it could be worse, just never know..
So.. if the power goes out. I'm probably gonna be stuck here for the next day or so.. Just wait and find out I guess.

But it can be both ugly and beautiful at the same time...

Last

Connections made
all the difference
here to be settled.
This ship has been
sinking for too long
so to make the trek once
more from the top
of the list, through
Sugar Creek, then Fairmont,
Maywood and on toward a badge
of seventy-two steps,
going forward and looking back
sketching on recollection, I
slip downstairs, steep ones,
eleven of them with that concrete
wall on the left and the moon
over my right shoulder.
Always looking up and back
making sure its still there,
who is still there
not still there.
The ghost of a yellow lab
alternately leading, then
following through fog
the entire way.
Five corners to go,
cross for the third time
and finally the grasp of a
door handle... Goodbye.

Yay. I survived 2004. Can I say the same for 2005? I want to say "the future's so bright, I gotta wear shades." But that would be really overconfident and completely unrealistic.
At any rate I did make the big decision to move and with any luck it will be the best thing. Really do think its the best choice I could make right now, given the chaos of last year.
My daughter turned 20 yesterday. Her Boston grandparents are still in town, and planning to take her to dinner this evening.
Meanwhile, extended family is having all the drama they can handle, starting off the new year. I don't see how they can live like that... just seems like everyday there's a new crises. Some ppl just need to simplify, and not dwell on the negative trivial.
Well, I'm still in the process of getting things ready to go, so I'd better get a move-on. Haha, no pun intended!
Hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's celebration and can look forward to peaceful times ahead.