Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Sunday, December 28, 2003


He gives me science and drama
and I'm wide awake, I've opened
my eyes enough to see what risk
and pitfall there may be when any
downside uncovers chance better
than this lonely desolation,
and this haunting.
I am not running away.
I'm not sleeping,
wide awake, I am listening,
taking it all in...
He gives me caution,
he gives me time
enough to think, he keeps
my feet grounded in the
reality of choice
and destination.
He gives me science and drama
when I can only give back
these token moon and stars.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Well, Christmas has come and gone... and I guess some of us were more ready for it than others. Haha.. hmm... some gifts were late and I really feel bad about that, but eventually the recipients got what they wanted, which is good. Better late than never, huh? Now its time to think about the past year and prepare to face the new one.
I don't know whether its from working through Christmas or what, or any number of things. Emotions all over the place, but still mostly kept to myself. What is wrong with me, I'm pretty sure I know the reason. And I just keep thinking of how some people are just as sure that they are something like an island unto themselves, needing no one. Somewhat difficult to understand, one thing I do understand though is there can be no changing the way I feel. I've been totally honest, and trying to keep my eyes wide open in certain things, I am still under his spell.

Monday, December 22, 2003

It's raining tonight... Just wonder how the weather's gonna be in a few days. Will there be a "White Christmas? We shall see...
A little stretch up ahead for the next two weeks, filling in for someone on vacation. But I don't mind a bit, I was telling them at work when they noticed the schedule. It just means overtime, which translates very well on the next check. :)
I'm still doing the cookie thing, I'm supposed to make some tonight, too. I think this is gonna end up being the most I've done with that since, well since I was in Fresno. Like I said, it's about time I got back into the swing of Christmas, and I'm really enjoying it. Later on I'm to help my daughter Laura wrap presents when she comes by after work. So anyway, I'd better get started with those cookies, break out the cutters and the cookie press, mwahahahaha! Lol, I guess the holidays are affecting me a little strange this year. Later, people. Take care.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Christmas is less than a week away now, I've done most of my shopping, baked cookies for friends and for parties at work. I'm hoping I might have some free time to catch a good Christmas movie on tv. Something like A Christmas Story, or Its a Wonderful Life. I think I still have the tape of A Christmas Carol, the one with Patrick Stewart. That was a good version, I really like that one. Also I haven't had much chance to listen to the right music for this time of year. Mostly my kids say that its pretty lame, so they pop in a FedUp cd instead. Aaaaaack! Ok, I like FedUp and all but give it a rest for about 20 or 30 minutes, this is Christmas. Lol.
My daughter's grandparents are in from Boston, they came by for a bit yesterday. Very nice people. But I see so much of a gap between them and my daughter. I think I'm in a place where I can see both sides, where my daughter doesn't understand, and gets frustrated with them. Maybe its all that time working with the elderly, in the past... I'm just more used to it, and can understand a bit more.
Anyway, I think I have some more last minute stuff to do... will post more later. Take care, everybody.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Christmas Candles

Tonight I want to light them all.
One for the honorable homesick
yet serving tours of duty,
the ones who still live and breathe.
Light one for the casualties gone
and for those yet to cme.
Another candle for the smallest
and most helpless discarded even now
to be rescued by random strangers.
Let the strangers light them one by one.
Put match to wick for Precious Doe
and all those like her, let the flame burn
till molesters, abusers, killers,
butchers are punished.
Provide the warmth of such a flame
for the family pet tethered in the
snow with no food and a bowl
of ice to drink.
Add one to dispel the reunion squabbles
and stress that comes from forgetting
the spirit of compassion and the
reason for this day.

What happens to the voice, your space,
the place you cut out, settled into
so well when changed perspective
is an opportunity, when you animate
the figures, figments of imagination.
Would a spoken path ever be regained
after laryngitis clears away its hold.
Would it ever be the same...
Just not the same.
What then. Where could you go
from there?

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Yes Virginia... Grandma Ginney. Christmas songs can make you cry... Happy Christmas (War Is Over)... Bing Crosby and David Bowie's version of Little Drummer Boy... And without meaning to, the people closest to you can make you cry, the ones you love the most. Not necessarily a bad thing, just the fact that when they unexpectedly show such appreciation for the intangibles you've given, it hits full force... What's wrong with me, I'm such a wimp today.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Sometimes I browse the internet early in the morning before work... sometimes, like this morning, I have a little more time to think about what I find.. I read vague poems with hidden meanings, and I'm always wondering if I had anything at all to do with them, if I entered into thoughts like those even for just a millisecond. Wouldn't it be so wonderful if that were true...

...Christmas is on us all again. I've got my tree up, lights strung, and decorated by way of Jason and Laura a few weeks ago... The highlight of their time these days is a local punk band, Fed*Up. Laura of course is their "Unofficial" photographer, for the times they perform locally, and she's really trying to promote, with flyers and such. Hopefully, they'll use her photos on some upcoming projects and she can get her name out there as a good photographer. Ideally they'll credit her by listing her name, and maybe even monetary compensation beyond just credits.

...I'll be working on Christmas, but I don't really mind. I was off Thanksgiving which was a real surprise to me, I'm used to working the holidays. After all, nursing homes and hospitals never close.. Haha, they may shut down but they never close! Sodexo is gone from the system and the new staffing comany put in place by HCA, Compass, will be in full effect in January. Our Sodexo GM will be replaced. And in the hospital dietary dept. Compass will be replacing at least two of the supervisors. I'm not sure about the sound of all this, I never was... The update that took place last week really skirted around the question of hiring more help for both dietary and housekeeping departments, so that's still up in he air. The general opinion is that they won't and as more people leave for better positions, they might not fill the slots here that are left, increasing the workload for the rest of us. We'll see...

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Weather Weak

Knowing, just knowing
how the outside can reach
all the way to the core
with chilled fingers.
But then, see what he does,
how he stirs me again and again.
And how he steadies me
before the point of balance nearly lost.
And now, listening to the sound
of frozen pellets at the screens,
coating the streets, branches of trees
in dangerous magical images
for early morning. But tonight,
need is friction for the initial spark
then for the fire of seduction.
Play in this room from the coldness
with tantalizing darts from your tongue
through a kiss. Electric is your touch
warming me to receive, hypnotic the sound
of your voice, moving me to respond to you
as you respond to me.
Perfect Shot

Look above, over
the right shoulder this time.
Following, its following,
up there through the trees,
through leafless branches
reaching to the sky.
Suspended, illuminating
the entire perspective
when you glance back,
when you turn to face it.
Again, if I just had
the lens this time,
worked in just the right
exposure, I swear
I'd shoot the moon for you.

Saturday, December 06, 2003


Someday I will take and hang
my pictures on walls of memory
for you to call up those dreams
at will, when visions are of
such gifts.
Someday I will read to you
sonnets of Shakespeare so that
the reminders of tragedy need
only to remain in the past,
a reminder that what I offer
asks nothing in return, of how
love gently surrounds you
and is lasting.
And here, hoping beyond hope
for the day you look toward
sunlight and find the happiness
that was lost in darkened rooms
so long ago, for the someday
I will sing to you all the love
songs you need to hear.
Too much drama lately, things changing for the worst maybe for some people. Just when you think someone hads the chance to make something of themselves, have a good education, become what they want to be, and eventually have a career in what they love doing, someone else contributes to the constant stress they have always been responsible for, and all it's equal to is "the one straw that broke the camel's back" It's a very long story and I won't go into detail. But now, everything might just go right down the tubes. Brooks, the education. And for what? Some trivial little "I was left out of the decision" that involves one small step further towards independence. Now there's talk of changing all those plans... I feel so bad just to see that. I can't understand all the constant nit-picking in the first place. It just seemed to have added up and now, who knows?

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Have a Nice Day

He's baack...
And now he's taking names,
kickin' it all along the firing spree.
This is not a test... test, test. Gone.
Freakazoid-a-palooza, gone bye-bye as well.
No Resistance now among those giving
Kansas City a bad name.
Paraphrased with the "Oops I did it" and
now it's deja vu all over again.
Legendary with the power of a justifiable
contract, allowing full access,
the almighty final say.
Dispensed comings and goings, although
well scripted to fit the format,
to fit the rumors,
all expectations of the masses.
So easy to predict and outcome and there is
no challenge to second guess the next event,
the lost composure of the close-ups and centered
or the exact words out of his mouth
only seconds before they're spoken.
No challenge there, yet such a popular choice,
makes it that much more worthwhile
and no less entertaining.

(Deep thoughts about professional wrestling? How bizarre.)