Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Friday, November 28, 2003

Just a Touch

I would beg you
to come in
from the cold
where its warm,
cozy, a place full
of feeling.
There is such
longing here.

I would reach for you
come to you, feel you,
and with closed eyes,
held breath, a kiss so
slow my time is suspended
and time means nothing
with you having the ability
to stop my heart, beginning
again with just a touch.
With just a touch, everything
is alright again.
Dinner At the Hatfields

I am thankful for living life
and to have a little more
than before at this time,
and years past.
Thankful today that I'm
not on that return flight
to the west
where there was no dinner,
only a quick run to convenience
for a six-pack that couldn't
see me and CNN news that
left me numb.
I called it the year of death,
St. Ginney, Diana, Mother Teresa.
Lucky this year for some
return to tradition.
But on this very day, there are
still arguments in the Ozarks,
one of my own caught in the
crossfire of harsh words,
such as they might be.
Hysterical rants turned to
hurt feelings and snubs,
never supposed to be like this.
I can't even feel sorry for
the thankless anymore.
Just wish you could have
stayed home and had fun
with real family.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

I'm hoping everyone is enjoying their Thanksgiving holiday. I know I will be doing some cooking today, provided the turkey thaws out, lol. For me, the holiday is a little better than in previous years. I have the day off today, when so many times before I've had to work, and this time I have the means to actually enjoy something of a traditional Thanksgiving, with a few exceptions. My daughter is visiting step-relatives at Lake of the Ozarks today, so that's one of the down sides. It'll be me and my son, who's gonna help with the cooking.... this should be very interesting, lol. He can be onery sometimes and with a role model like Bam Margera, who knows what could happen?
Warmest thoughts go out to friends and family, the special people in my life who at the moment are so far away. Take care, and God bless.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Second Nature

The touch of my lips
to the nape of your neck
as you dream, of color,
of light and dark.
And phrases, glimpses
of your sentiment
float through memory
like puffs of dandelion
in flight, so difficult
to grasp within sleep,
second nature to cherish
in a place where those
thoughts are images
I hold to my heart.

Monday, November 24, 2003

I'm thinking about how different some people and siutations can be... There's a guy at work who's married and has five kids not yet in school. He works 8 hours during the day, then immediately goes to a nearby nursing home and does yet another 8 hours. Every day he does this, because he has to, to support his kids. Two full-time jobs, man. And then you see people who won't even support themselves, leeching off whoever they can, and complaining all the while about how tough it is. People like that have never had a tough day in their life. Like this other lady at work, who's husband was a veteran who served in Korea, made her life hell the whole time they were married. I don't see how she put up with all the verbal and physical abuse for the some seventeen years they were together, she must be a lot stronger person than most of us, I do know that. I guess she stuck it out till the end though, till he was diagnosed with major health problems and passed away. This lady always has a funny story to tell about those years, but this time there was some heavy stuff mixed in. Nobody had any idea it was that bad. Its the kind of stuff that makes you appreciate and respect a person more than before. Always pleasant to everyone, loves to talk, she'd talk your ear off if you'd let her. And then at lunch one day she adds these bits of seriousness to those funny stories. And you're left thinking, wow - would never have known. I don't know, just rambling on, myself, here. And on, and on....
More later, I guess.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Snap Case

Having stolen the right to even
continue here, having stolen time,
stealing provision, never lift
a finger but to cause more trouble.
You are much too close
to the holidays and memories
of death to assume
forgiveness for this now.
Worse than the vandal
going after family
having missed his target
and taking out pictures
on the wall. Now there is
broken glass at your feet,
deep gash in your knuckles
that you can tend to yourself.
Don't ask if I care how deep
it is, and no, I don't want
to see how it reaches
all the way to the bone.
Did this damage to yourself,
your own worst enemy now,
mine too, with your destruction
of property. Just don't drip
any more on my carpet.
Unserious Angst

All present and accounted for
this one night, all three of them
together for the last time,
hammering out chords, discordant
rythms, jumpin' the air, landing
flatfooted. Chaos on a wooden platform.
There's moshing down below the stage
in this church for Christian punks,
and as the intro nears completion
they regain balance, their places, the
bass player with mic privileges for
this one, opens his mouth to sing
and screams,
"Why must you have
a hamburger
with cheese,
and lettuce, onions and
mayonaise, and pickles?
Why..... Whyyee?"

Friday, November 21, 2003

Dreams Come True

Like air to breathe
in deep, fulfilling
like water to drink,
the ocean to swim
in summer.
Like being surrounded
by fog in winter
magical as fresh
snowfall throughout
Like coming home
to your arms,
to see everything
in your eyes.
Like coming home.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Muse of Change

A view this cloudy
makes you wonder on
the why of reason
that leaves to become
grounded in tasks
of the too immediate,
insistant as
beeper interruptions.
So much here and
too little time.
Giving me back
the muse of change
to let the images come,
I'm praying for it now.
Take the blinders
off my eyes so I can
finally see you.
A much smaller map
is what I need most,
so many miles apart,
so far away, and yet
you teach me no despair,
whisk it away
with hugs and kisses.

Sunday, November 16, 2003


It was the first thing to notice,
stopping halfway down these
steel steps. Early hours silent,
moon directly overhead, a little
to the left along the way.
It was complete with haze
surrounding, ethereal in light
and reflection.
While I dreamed the fog returned
and now swirls around me,
through me. And on the way,
I watched as it surfed the air,
played hide and seek with
form and shape, casting spells,
tricks with my vision
as if the mist here, midpoint
at the streetlight was
trying its best to become
something material.

Friday, November 14, 2003

So much overtime, so little time for anything else. It kinda seems that way, lately. But working straight through so many day translates very well on a paycheck. Someone got hurt at work, which is why I've been filling in for her all this time. People, people, watch out for those ramps and those heavy carts going down them, and for people stepping out in front of you... Well you know its like trying to stop a train, it just can't be done. And watch out for those busted wheels, too. I know quite a few people who have gotten hurt on the job recently.
Local bands... Fed Up from here in the KC metro area has a cd release party and concert tonight. This is the band that's currently in the midst of getting signed. Congratulations to Dustinn, Matt, Justin and their new member, Josh. Rock on with your bad selves, lol. I would have gone along with Laura and Jason, but they'll be late getting back and I have to work in the morning. Plugging away till the 21st, my next day off. Maybe then I'll have time to get some things done, like get my long lost acoustic restrung, work on some more writing, nurse this cold, hahaha.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Sometimes karma works and sometimes it doesn't. There's a lady at work who's just lost her father, he'd been in intensive care for about a week and a half, and all during that time she'd taken time off to be with him. Well, when they moved him to another floor, I figured he was at least out of danger. But today another lady at work came up to me and told me that she was taking up a collection for her, that her dad died last night. And here I thought he was in the clear when they moved him, but then she's telling me they moved him to that floor to die, that there was nothing else they could do for him. I really had no idea. Or maybe I did and just subconsciously distance myself from things like that. I mean, after the last time, when that kid was in ICU. It still comes as a shock when somebody comes right out and says it. Well, I told her I'd contribute. Very sad outcome.
On the other side of the coin, and now very small consolation, is what I mean when I say karma works. I found out today that someone I've known for years to be a very evil person, has had a run of bad luck. I won't go into much detail but the person is an alcoholic and has done some very mean spirited things to others in his family, his whole life.
And here you've got two people that were probably the most complete opposites, in terms of characte. That old man was probably the nicest person, never did anything bad to anyone. I'm really not sure where I'm going with this, except maybe to say maybe now I feel guilty for having sensed some small justice being done from this one other guy's run of bad luck. Just something that struck me kinda weird and hopefully I'll make more sense out of it now that I've gotten it off my chest.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Slow Illuminatation

There are still shadows within him
that distant light has yet to reach.
Not yet the spark of opportunity
to grind the depths of reason as
we move through, move forward
to a full circle of seasons.
When he feels, enough to speak it
to me profound, its the loving
in the dark, dreaming to the sound
of his breathing, such the need is
to know the deepest parts of him,
limitless well of a man, with this
wealth of hidden insight, from
the basis of everything meaningful
he has become, to the awful ache
of emptiness only he can fill, he
touches me like no other has, how
he can always turn me to light,
alive, time and again.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

There must be a Chief's game televised today. I can tell from the neighber downstairs. He invites friends over for the game, and today they've already started to gather for the "celebration" ... I hear the team is doing very well, and although I'm not a rabid fan, I'm surrounded by them at work, so its impossible not to hear how good they are doing. Personally I'd rather see a good Wizards game, now that's something I can really get into, but I'm having a hard time keeping up with them. I usually get all set to watch something... and then fall asleep. I hate when that happens, hahaha. Too much overtime, I guess. Anyway, I suppose there will be much cheering going on. Its funny, the mood of an entire town can depend on a sports event. Its kind of sad really, especially when the team loses, and everyone's kinda bitchy at work the next day. This lady Ginger, at work feels the same way I do about it. She says something like, "I really hope they win, cause I don't wanna deal with everybody's foul mood if they lose."

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Well I'm back online after what seems like a long absence due to a
severe lack of an ISP. Lol... Been working a lot of overtime the past
two weeks, filling in for someone who got hurt on the job, and am I
ever glad I'm getting tomorrow off. Anyway the overtime on the check
will certainly be put to good use.
Well, my time on the internet is limited this morning, just never
seems to be enough time, lately, because I gotta go get ready for
work. Be careful out there people, it can be dangerous.
"It's a wicked world that we live in" - Gorillaz

Thursday, November 06, 2003

The Long Gray

It's a thin line extending centimeters
beyond all the branches iced over
way back when, in remembrance
of the frozen-solid November world
present six winters ago.
New shades of Tule fog settles
in halfway cross country from
both sides, from the east, west.
Now from the San Joaquin, hovered
low and close enough, becoming
ground cover to move through.
You can feel it, you can hear it
through the sound of a train
that alone in the early morning can
fill the air with sorrow.
Perspective is to the first bare tree,
naked branches a skeletal exotic, even
in the essence of dormant structure.
Time now for tracing of the
unfamiliar, this will be uncharted
territory once again, as a one time
to be certain, vaguely hitting some
memory as the nerve of memory proves
always some bearing in the here and now
coming ever from someplace known
and out of nowhere,