Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Friday, December 31, 2004

Auld Lang Syne by Robert Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?,
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Personal Myth

Where to go for safety
up from rolling waters, down
away from twisting winds
or even to the center to
escape such a major shift

of earth that rocks on
unto its own bad self,
inescapable and unbidden
by the majority, makes you
wonder what is the ratio,

really between the good and
the calloused, the fate of us
all, really. In reality the pressure
is scientific, or is it divine...
and always the ultimate question
"What if... what if?"

Must be the biggest one ever,
an event of epic proportions.
You rock my world,
what does this mean,

(This one's more of a ramble, actually. The type of thing one thinks about coming home late in the evening after saying goodbye to friends and co-workers... tmb makes you too philosophical for your own good, I'm afraid.)

Saturday, December 25, 2004


You hold the reason within you
the way those fallen leaves
are still mantled on the shelf
or should it be hearth?
For remembrance of color,
that short time their brightness
outshone everything within a change.

If I could see you now
my hands would reach.
If I chose to speak
my voice would break,
overwhelming, unnamable.

Bittersweet, this now
I'm remembering so much...
reasons I came back as much
as reasons to go.
And how at this particular
moment, if I listen to
Silent Night... Oiche Chiun
Their favorite song
just once more, I'll break

Friday, December 24, 2004

Here's wishing everyone a safe and Happy Holiday!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Just around the corner, Christmas is. Are you ready for this? I'm not, got too many irons in the fire, so to speak.
Anyway.. Its been cooold out there the past few days. Last night I left my hat and gloves at a friends house so I didn't have them this morning. Not a good thing for a 45 min. walk at 1 below! But everything else was covered quite adequately, I must say. I had my layers on... and my groove, I guess. I make good time when its cold out.
Some things make all the difference. Contact with friends... somehow makes all the worst seem tolerable. Believe it, believe it.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Ok, some things I have no tolerance for. One is copying someone else's work and passing it off as your own. I'm not namimg names, but if this person happens to read this here, all I have to say is they've ruined any credibility they may have had. Plus it was so obvious, a blatent rip-off in my opinion. Word for word... I've caught the same person once before but never said anything.. this time I did. Write bad poetry, whatever... at least let it be your own. Geez!!

Well the employee mass exodus at the hospital is now underway. I've put my two-week notice in last Monday, as did two other night-shift housekeepers. Several more seriously considering it.. Now today, one of the guys in engineering had enough and walked out on the spot. So its not just in my department... its facility-wide. Nay, company-wide. They think they'll be saving money by not replacing us.. they're still losing all their best people. Nobody would want to do as good a job for what they'll be paying them. Not that they're paying us all that much to begin with.

Meanwhile... there's still a ways to go in the situation. Whether its a curse or opportunity, it's gonna happen.. Oh boy.
Brrr.. I think at least two pairs of socks, and a shit load of layers will be in order this morning, haha.. It's down to 17 degrees.
Cold yesterday too. And all those fools out there at Arrowhead in -1 degree (wind chill factor) Some even with their shirts off.
The entire hospital had their tvs set to the game.. and me just cleaning.. cleaning... I didn't even have to be around a television to know what was happening, all the cheers and shouts from patient rooms.. Very surreal, the idea that the Chiefs have the power of healing. Hahaha! One thing though, they've been out of the playoffs for how long? So why all the excitement now? Some things are destined to be a mystery, I guess.
Later all, try to stay warm out there!

Friday, December 17, 2004

Heya folks...
For me it just isn't the season without hearing this: Happy Christmas
so take a listen and enjoy! :)

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Busy days, not much sleep, and draggin' shifts at work. But a lot getting done.

My daughter and her boyfriend dropped by after he got off work last night. I ended up wrapping a few packages for his mom. She collects angels so they went and bought her a beautiful angel statue. She's gonna love it, I'm sure. But the statue is very fragile so some bubble wrap was in order. Luckily I had some extra in case they needed it.

Laura picked me up at 3:30 yesterday, went to the store and got my cookie-making stuff. So I guess I'll be doing that sometime today. Funny, when she came by last night and mentioned making cookies, I thought she meant doing that here right then. She was talking about Tim's friend Joey doing the baking over at his house.. so she wanted to hurry up and get home for the chocolate chippers, lol. And if she shows up today like she's supposed to, she'll get a double dose of them, I guess.

Our friend from work, Bill, is back in the hospital. I'm really worried this time.. I'd thought he'd left too soon the first time, but he stood right there the other day, swore up and down that they'd released him.. turns out, he misunderstood. They released him, yeah, but only to rehab. Sue says that the part of the brain that was affected by the surgery and subsequent swelling was the reasoning ability.
Now he's not quite the same.. I wonder now if he'll ever be the same.

Christmas snuck up on me this year... I'm not ready for this! The year has gone by way too fast, just flew by... like some little bird in somebody's ear.. hahaha! Btw, when Adonna O. came back to work, she had laryngitis and couldn't talk, which was fine by me and everyone else. (Hehe, evil, aren't I?)

On a serious note, I keep thinking about how things are turning out. I think back on when I moved to Fresno, and I said "It was either east or west, this time I chose west." Even back then there were times I wished I had chosen east. Well this time east is the choice. I also can't help thinking that for all my good intentions.. the reason... going toward something good, a new start and challenges, better opportunity. Even with all that mindset, it feels more and more like the old "running away from something negative. Well the outcome will be the same anyway... positive overriding the negative.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Different As

The cause of that sudden grasp
the sharp reach of breath when alone
and underprepared for when it all sinks in,
the enormity of change.
The enormity of change is what
stops you cold in your tracks
just short of a brick wall
at Talladega.

Is it passion or panic
to follow a frozen river, nearly blind
of things yet unseen, unfelt, anticipation
to rise and fall, where the highs and lows
allow none for a happy medium. Temperance
is a luxury between here and there; is the
difference spawned through mice and moonbeams.

Tonight the chill is everpresent in my room
flowing in from a wall of glass
as I lay head to pillow for sleep,
shiver underneath blankets, counting
sheep, monkeys, four leaf clovers, anything
at all to push away the want of warmth and
your arms around me.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I heard tell of snowfall here later tonight. I guess that means time to break out the snow boots again, lol. They've already been initiated for the season though. I had unspoiled snowfall all to myself one day last month, on the way to work. It was amazing, but it didn't last long. I've since told myself that if it snows again before I leave here, I'm gonna be sure and get some pictures... the camera I carry with me at all times now for just the right shot. Silly me, I missed an amazing sunset one night last week simply because I was sure someone passing in a car would think I was crazy, 'cause from their vantage point there wasn't much to see, haha.
That's what I get for worrying about what other people think.
Bill from work (actually an former co-worker) came by to see us all during lunch yesterday.
11 days ago he underwent surgery for an anneurism in his brain. From what I heard at the time, if they had waited any longer, it would have been over... it burst just as the surgeon went in, so violently that he couldn't see where to clamp it off at, for a few seconds. Oh, that Bill... he's a lucky guy. We almost lost him. But now he's up walking around and in decent spirits.. not the usual over-the-top behavior for him, he's still in some pain so there's still a ways to go before he's feeling back to normal, I'm sure.
Well the understated news that I'm leaving has not been met with any pissed-offness the way I expected, at least from the folks I work with, I think they understand where I'm coming from... stuff I've been saying the whole time, ever since the new company took over. Adonna will be another story altogether. She called in sick again... well, I guess just wait and see what new punishment she can think up over these next two weeks.

Monday, December 13, 2004

For all the consequences, potential anger, wrath of co-workers and supervisor. For all the uncertainty, the risk, the running, the odds...
it was worth it just to say, "I'm turning in my notice." Because for the first time in a long time I was able to take a deep, relaxing breath. And enjoy it.
Today is Santa Lucia Day, a celebration stemming from Sweden that coincides with the winter holiday season and Christmas in particular.

~ Traditional Santa Lucia Song ~
The night goes with weighty step
round yard and (stove i.e. house, hearth?)
round earth, the sun departs
leave the woods brooding
There in our dark house,
appears with lighted candles
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

The night goes great and mute
now hear it swings
in every silent room
murmurs as if from wings.
Look at our threshold stands
white-clad with lights in her hair
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

The darkness shall soon depart
from the earth's valleys
thus she speaks
a wonderful word to us
The day shall rise anew
from the rosy sky.
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

What brings you comfort?

The sound of bagpipes insistant to the spirit of battle.. seems like survival these days....
The non-existant aroma of coffee in the morning.. but needed just the same to face the day.
The words of friends bring comfort... Thank you my friend.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Ready And Waiting

I waited
too long and missed the sky
with all its deep coral shades
and shadows painted sidelong
like a glance contrasted blue
into gray cloud cover.

Then I watched
as an anxious lens
stamped out impatience,
readyand waiting en route
home to catch how the wind
can trip and turn through
leafless spaces bringing with
it a fiery backdrop of red sky.

Hurry now
darkness is falling fast
stealing available light
promising far reaching memory,
something missed, and slumber lost.

Friday, December 03, 2004

I've never seen this movie, but from the title that's what this month feels like, The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I caught the Daily Show last night...
I'm reminded of the song, Earache My Eye.
"The world's comin' to an end and I don't even care..." Stephen King has written the All-American-Pastime novel about the Boston RedSox, called Faithful. A bit unexpected, but I think he has every right to pen a book on any subject he wants.. it sounds like he had a lot of fun doing it, that's what counts.

Survivor's giving away Pontiacs now. Hahahaha!
The catfights are well underway and about to get ten times worse.. don't ya just love it?
About halfway through last night's episode, I wondered how very bizarre it would be if in fact Eliza was just playing along with the grand plan set by Ami... And it turned out to be the case. Well, I'll be... the kid can strategize.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Good for a laugh, anyway. In lieu of some ear to be lent... my best friend won't talk to me.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Some stupid ramble.. not even a rant.

Blame it on the weather, the sleet and rain. The cold in the morning, the dead animal I pass on the sidewalk with not a mark on him; poisoned, I'm sure of it. Its going into the season full force.. ready or not. I'm not ready for this. Nothing seem right anymore. Seconds turn into minutes, hours, days and months. Its time for a big change. No time left to test the water, check for sharks or gators. Close your eyes, hold your nose and jump. Then swim like mad to find dry land.

Monday, November 29, 2004

What's wrong with me... what's wrong with them?
Went over to a friend's house last night, and there was so much squabbling going on.. like a house divided almost.. come on people.. this is supposed to be the holiday season. Now it just puts me in a disgruntled mood... where now I'm focusing on how much I dread going in everyday to find out what new idiocy is perpetuated by those "in charge." How some of them got there, I'll never know, even that doesn't make sense.
My bosses pet, Alma tried to take my holiday pay by suggesting that I switch days with her and not work Thanksgiving.. even stalled so obviously till the boss herself got there to make the suggestion. Hahah, Adonna says.."Did you want off on Thursday? A little bird flew in my ear and told me you wanted off for Thanksgiving." I just looked at her, thinking, "well that had to have hurt just a little... maybe that's what's been wrong all this time.. too many of those litte birds doing damage to the inner ear."
Aaaagh, to be honest I don't want to even go in this morning. I just don't want to have to put up with all that.. but its a job, and it's still there at least for now.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Today is "Full Moon" day, I saw something of it on the way home late last night... although it must not have been complete yet, it was still something. Had to look straight up through the trees.
Hoping everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I had to work, but was invited over to a friend's place afterwards. Some good times over there. Ooohh, I ate too much though, haha.. I suppose everybody did.. some even went back for seconds and thirds. They sent me home with a "to go" plate that really turned out to be more of a huge platter, there was so much left over. So... turkey sandwiches all next week, lol.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Curb 21

On the morning we came to see you
the sky was heavy with rain
and unfallen snow.

And with our feet damp and cold
we search again, it's been
awhile, too long.

Curb 21 and eight rows in
there, I look at the names,
Harold C., Virginia A. and
Linda Burson Hall

I look again at the dates,
'67, '97, '99 and realize
it's been seven years to the day
we buried St. Ginney.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Gone Already

And yet I'm sitting on
the same bench as last
winter, again counting the
rivets and bolts in the wall,
waiting for the hunters to
return with their spoils
and their stories.

And wasn't that a nice
little bit of conscience
in the back of my mind, some
reproachful voice reminding
me of all my plans, dream
chasing, one finding, failing
as yet to materialize.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

I've been hours on this mission to find just the perfect photo of Andy Warhol online... specifically "a shot of you, a shot of me" one of the photos near the end of the book Warhol, by Chris Makos.
Grrr... I've cross referenced till my fingers are sore from typing and still no luck. Its nowhere to be found. Arrgh... I wanted it because it had the representation of photography itself..
But I did find something similar.. well, folks it's better than nothing, haha.

Friday, November 19, 2004

I'm so glad it ended when it did... 2nd shift = a night from hell. I didn't know it at the time, or even when I came in yesterday, but they gave me the largest areas... also areas I had never done before.. so it was a mess.. once I got the right information..(Adonna just loves to mis-speak, ahaha) I was able to do 4 West, 4 Middle, Sterile Processing, Decontam, B1, Recovery and Healthline (big exercise room).
Felt like I had barely enough time to sit down for breaks and such.. I think I'm gonna have a little talk with Adonna when she gets back on Monday... this is just ridiculous. I didn't get home till after 12:30. Don't get me wrong. I never minded doing the work, I just wish I would have had some idea of what I was walking into.. I like to be prepared for it, you know, so I can get started right away..
On to something new.. The other day I got a sampler CD from Virgin Mobile (my Cell phone company) free in the mail. Actually I found it laying under a bunch of stuff on a table.. my son Jason brought it in and forgot to tell me I had mail, haha. Anyway, its a cross between rap and R&B.. but there are some pretty good songs on there, I was surprised.
There happens to be a show tonight. The annual "Rock and Gobble" local Thanksgiving concert..
I'm going (for the first time, actually) along with Laura, Jason, Tim, and a bunch of their friends... Now THIS should be interesting, because members from a former band will be playing in their current bands opposite each other, A Delicate Disaster and Arlington.. Members of each were previously known as Fed Up... but because of some ego tripping, the other members eventually became fed up with it all.. So it should be an interesting night...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Ad Infinitum

I want this page to be crossed
through, teased like some vintage
bouffant 'do, circa 1950.
Dotted over each eye the way
fractals focus and tunnel forward
in slow motion wavs catching
the right spot, that reflection
reflecting its own energy-image.
Sing this poem with makeshift color,
the brightest tones likened to
pixels perpetuated on the latest
high definition screen; deepest to
light blue, reds, greens, the sun
most lit tan of eyes shaded from gray.
And when complete I want this page
to be my gift to you.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

What a surprise, my season is on its way.. Interesting too, the questions on this quiz have nothing to do with changing weather or the seasons...

You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time alone but do like other people's company sometimes. You just need your space. You have a few priviledged friends who saw past your colder exterior to find the true you. You can have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to admit it) so you could be soft one second then storming around the next! But over all, you're a very pleasant person once people take the time to get to know you. You're a good friend for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when it comes to creative things.

What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Less Than Words

Such the restless need of an
easy silence. Common ground
shared, unspoken message,
simplicity of his presence.
She dreams. It is the same
sky after all, the same
unattainable moon.
She thinks of how he can
run so far away yet remain
so close, how he can
curse the trip and fumble
of becoming all too human,
feeding a base line instinct.
He is more than words,
less than words. To her he is
everywhere and nowhere.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

To The Kettlers

Not quite feeling
the giggle of geese
as they're flying overhead
or the caw-squawk of crows
bursting through chilly air
somewhere, calling to each other
in darkness, the way I dream.
And not quite the classic hold
in formation; they call it
kettling in the mornings
the way they sometimes
rise to a circle, fashioned
by heat or instinct alone.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Atmospheric Condition

Any other time, from the same
distance that gray architectural
drill bit that would be piercing,
if not holding up the sky
would be more than enough to
annoy the most patient muse.
I can see a split in the
continuum, lines, though fuzzy
like dice from the rear-view;
funny that from here clouds seem
snow capped, having been led through
a winding mountain trail onward,
upward from reflections in a pool
called Sunset.

(Ok, that "drill bit" is a running joke that some around these parts call the RLDS World Headquarters, in Independence, MO. Because let's face it, that's exactly what it looks like... a huge drill bit in the sky.
And yes, I finally "went there" by saying it..
I have nothing against their religion, except to say that its not for me... I just think they could have designed a better looking structure, that's all.)
Survivor: Vanuatu.... Let the backstabbing begin.. Well that was a bit of a shock.. but then after the merge, common knowlege dictates that anything is possible. Goodbye Sarge...
and welcome to the JURY! This show has so many twists and turns, its impossible to second-guess anything that's gonna happen. Don't you just love it?
On the hospital front... (careful here) Oh, they have people taking mandatory days off, using up all their PTO time.. let the backstabbing begin. Us and them.. don't you just love it? Shysters. Grr.. Just wait until the next meeting.. come to think of it, they haven't had one lately. Usually they call one on a weekly basis, but haven't now for nearly a month, what gives? Maybe they just don't feel like being the brunt of complaints.. enough of that.. I'm riled up enough about it already.
Other news. Fall has fallen and winter is just around the corner. I'm feeliing it fo-shizzle. I still need to dig out my winter coat, it's hiding in a box somewhere, along with the rest of the layers... dress in layers, that's the key, haha.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

This day off has been made possible by:

Special thanks also to the Human Resources department for finding all this necessary...

Hehehe, now let's see what various mischief I can get into today! :D

Monday, November 08, 2004

Look up... Yes

There are no excuses
for ruining the metaphor,
calling it no better than
reality TV; never mind the
dreams of dreamers who paint
with words, who speak with
light and shadow and love in
laughter, live with regret,
sleep with desire...
You couldn't begin to
imagine back then
commercials for war,
commercials for peace,
an army of one,
suicides at ground zero.
I am that
frost-bitten Salina bloom
who can lift a pre-dawn
gaze to the heavens
and still see a smile.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Frost is in the air and just around the corner... funny, that. Especially when it was warm enough here today not to have to wear a jacket... I'm enjoying it now 'cause I know for a fact it won't last long!..
And how's the weather in YOUR neck of the woods?

Saturday, November 06, 2004

I found this in one of my Yahoo Groups this morning... Way to go, Bob Barker!
The Animal Spirit

LOS ANGELES - "Price is Right" host Bob Barker has given a big prize to the University of California, Los Angeles, law school: a $1 million donation to create an animal rights law endowment.
Barker, who often advises viewers to spay or neuter their pets, said he hoped the endowment would encourage more law students to get involved in protecting animals.
"Animal exploitation happens throughout this country and elsewhere," Barker said. "Animals need all the protection we can give them."
The Bob Barker Endowment Fund for the Study of Animal Rights Law will pay for teaching, research, seminars and lectures. The effort will be led by UCLA professor Taimie Bryant, who teaches a course in animal law.

(This guy also made a substantial donation to the Fresno Feline Foundation when I was living in California several years ago... the money helped fund an on-site vet clinic at the shelter there.)

Game Over

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It's history now. Nick Pick and the boys, collectively known as Gametime, headlined a fond farewell show last night at the Main Street Cafe (formerly New Earth.)
For the past four years they've been familiar faces at local venues in and around Kansas City, as well as several others while touring.
Last night's show was amazing... the bill included Widescreen Tragedy, Arlington, The Supernaughts, Veda, and of course, Lametime, uh.. Gametime.
One of the bands who stood out (at least for me) was Arlington... who continue their hard sound with newest member, Dustinn Lowry, are really very good, despite my personal bias against some aspects of the band. I found myself very impressed.. I like their sound... dammit!
Another was the Supernaughts, who seem heavily influenced by 70's rock, a little ska (?) couldn't locate too much of that really. But I was impressed with them as well. A different sound than what the locals here have been listening to lately.
And finally Gametime... These guys have always had tons of energy, have always known how to rock hard and have fun doing it... That's what counts. So, good luck with all your other projects, you guys... You will be missed!

What's new for the Gametime boys

Friday, November 05, 2004

Eureka... It's working!

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Good afternoon, everybody. Hahaha! The above image caught my eye for obvious reasons, but the interesting thing about it is that it was painted with actual coffee. I found the site in one of my daily Yahoo picks... a very clever artistic medium, I must say.

Wow, such a close call on Survivor... I was happy with the results though. I've been waiting weeks for this to happen. Finally, no more of the whiny, I-am-the-savior-of-this-tribe rant from Rory. Now things should get interesting from here on out.. especially after the merge.. Sarge is worried.. I know just by watching the past few seasons, things can change just like that.
All settled in to watch CSI immediately afterwards, got nearly all the way through it, and fell asleep at the very last so I missed the outcome.. Woke up when my son came home from work, and it happened again, this time it was Without A Trace... so I guess maybe my remedy for that is - more coffee! Lol.

Well, I'm ready to enjoy my weekend. There's a show tonight, the last one from Gametime. It'll be a little sad in a way, knowing that this is their last one ever. But good that its a friendly split with the members going on with other things. I wouldn't miss this one, for sure. I expect a lot of people to show up tonight to wish them luck.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble
getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals.

It takes less than a minute to go to their
site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use
the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. (Weight Watchers is one of the sponsors!)

Here's the web site! Click on this link, and
when the site opens, click on the purple box that says Feed an Animal for free. That's it! Pass it along to people you know.

The Animal Rescue Site

If you don't have ten friends, make 'em up.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Decent Halloween... had to work, there was a Chiefs game, don't know if they lost or not (hee-hee) at home spent time online sending out ecards. Outside it began to rain, it was a dark and stormy night. No ghosts or goblins came up the stairs, no shots rang out, there were no blood-curdling screams. In fact the only spooky thing around here was a tractor full of people sitting on hay bales moseying down the street in the rain. All in all a decent night.
This morning, still raining... got a ride halfway there. Linen closets completely empty, charge nurses calling every five minutes for bath blankets and wash cloths. Kept busy, was glad to get home. Kinda worn out tonight, think I'll go to bed early.

A search for those few
hopeful words I remember,
before more time passes.
Before it was all taken
before my grasp

Some precious dream
never realized
but one that was so
very close, in waves
returning so suddenly
painful... why now?

Memory of words,
want of your touch,
taste of your tongue,
comfort of your arms
never opened to receive.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Happy Halloween!

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No, this isn't my costume... but wouldn't it be awesome? It looks like I have a whole year to get one to look like that.
Anyway, here's hoping everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween. Be careful out there while you're out and about, going to parties and such. And as always, Don't Drink and Drive.
Have fun and and stay safe!
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Ok, here's my update on the dreaded mandatory meeting our department had at the hospital last Thursday. First, let me just say those of us remaining still have jobs, haha. The bad news about that is, there are no plans to fill the vacant positons.. in fact, in management's opinion there are no vacant slots.

The meeting ran way over, and lasted at least an hour and a half, mostly because it turned into a gripe session which is kind of what I expected. Even the Chief Operations Officer, Natalie was in attendance. But a lot of the concerns were legitimate. Work load, the pulling of people from their original areas to do others so that a lot of them aren't getting done, or at most not getting done right...

improvements on recognizing a high standard of effort... which I think their answers to that were mostly for show to impress Natalie, especially when one of them said, "I'm always happy to pat someone on the back for a job well done." I was laughing internally at that statement, because in reality its more like "no news is good news"... she's more happy to focus on the negative than the positive.

With the closing of the skilled care unit on 4 North, there were some concerns about the rest of the hospital following suit. In fact, there was a recent item in the local paper (The Examiner) stating the hospital was scheduled to close "soon." Apparently, Natalie doesn't read the paper much, and wondered out loud how such rumors get started. But she assured us IRHC will continue as usual until they open the doors at the new hospital in 2007... time will tell, I'm still not holding my breath.

Teamwork was a key phrase throughout... but at the same time, I'm wondering how they plan to implement teamwork when they pull somebody off the floors to do piddly detail projects when someone else is swamped with dismissals... I guess the only thing there is for us to continue to use our own best judgement... I believe we as workers know better than management what should take priority at any given time. It might sound pompous, but I've never really seen any of them work as hard as any of us do...

Comic relief: at one point it was brought up very tactfully (or as much as possible, haha) ... that on any given day all of us are so busy doing our own little thing, what all needs to be done, and we don't have much of a chance to actually know what the supervisors are dealing with.. "and to be honest, I really don't care." (That statement brought a round of laughter and applause from the entire room.) He continued on, "I'm sure you're just as busy and stressed as the rest of us, but I wouldn't want your job. Her anwer: "Are you sure? "Cause after this meeting, it may be up for grabs, hehe."
In the end, they promised to work on getting the schedules posted in a timely manner, reboot the use of a suggestion box, take into account all our concerns and address them via a bulletin board, as well as verbally, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. Again, time will tell, and I'm not holding my breath.

Thursday, October 28, 2004


If I could dodge and burn
the electrical wires away
from a perfect structure still
holding onto life, however frail,
however bone dry these brittle
feathers are, all golden shades
of red and lime,

it would be the perfect season
of change caught in circles
understanding how you turn, how
we all turn away from certain
things eventually, and then
toward others, around again.

You would understand a feline
affinity, an elfin stature...
how less could be so much more
than one man
could ever imagine.

You could see the visual
still in my mind's eye
from this very early morning,
of soon dormant colors whose
goal is the sharpness of
chemistry, depth perception.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Image Attachment

Majestic, aren't they? I've always admired those who have the freedom to work with such animals... It takes a special person to have that kind of patience.. I'm sure the reward is incredible.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Holding Pattern

Outsourced, this charleyhorse attacks
me at 2 a.m. Impossible to find
my way back again now...

And in the middle there's
no happy medium to be found
between rage and futility,
indignity and despair.
No rant can fix this.

How dare they -
having found it absolutely
necessary to do this
to us. How could they
forget what this means
to us, their pawns in
a game of chess, checkmate
and loss, with it comes
hollow victory. At this
point, one can only hope
to the bitter end.

The longer the wait,
can you even wonder how
much mutiny could take
place with no one left
to mute...
Silence! The air grows
louder, stronger, more
stagnant with each unspoken
grievance, the clock is

as we drop, one by one
like dinosaur flies
facing extinction.
The facade of this structure
has crumbled already, all
the money saved won't fix
this mess, you are already
scheduled for the
wrecking ball.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

What can I say? What fresh hell is this? I can't wait to leave. The only thing that's holding me back is the fact that when I do, there will be more work piled onto the people I work with...
The problem is not who I'm working with... it's the collective "who" and "what" I'm working for.
For days now, I've been so close to giving notice to leave... and again I almost did today. I was talked out of it, at least until next Thursday when we can all find out once and for all just what the hell they plan to do with us.. the grumbling at this point is that we believe they plan to do away with our benefits and cut our hours way back..
It's all I can do not to just walk out for good. It feels to me, by staying I'm in approval of all this mess they've been dealing us.. Geez! Its hard to even stand myself.
I hate this.. absolutely hate this.
Oh.... they fired another co-worker today.


Attention, companion animal caretakers. The ASPCA offers these common-sense cautions to keep your pets safe and sound during this time of the year:

All but the most social dogs and cats should be kept in a separate room during peak trick-or-treat visiting hours. Too many strangers in unusual garb can be scary and stressful for pets.�
When opening the door for trick-or-treaters, take care that Max or Mittens doesn't dart outside. Make sure all your pets are wearing current identification, just in case.�

No sweets for the sweet: Keep all Halloween candy out of your pet's reach. Chocolate can be poisonous to animals, and tinfoil and cellophane candy wrappers can be hazardous if swallowed.�

It's not a bright idea to keep lit pumpkins around companion animals. Pets can knock them over, and curious kittens in particular run the risk of being burned.�

Don't leave your pet in the yard on Halloween. There have been reports of vicious pranksters who have teased, injured, stolen and even killed pets on this night.�

Although the ASPCA recommends that cats remain indoors at all times, it is especially important to keep your feline inside for several days before and after Halloween. Black cats in particular may be at risk from children's pranks or other cruelty-related incidents. As a safety precaution, many shelters will not adopt out black cats around Halloween.�

Don't dress up your dog or cat unless you know she loves it. If you decide to do so, make sure the costume isn't annoying or unsafe, and doesn't restrict her movement, vision, hearing or ability to breathe or bark. Avoid costumes with small or dangling accessories that she could chew off and possibly choke on. And please supervise pets in costume at ALL times.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Mandatory meeting at 7:30 this morning lasted an hour and was quite useless, really..
It was called, hospital wide (at several times today to give everyone the opportunity to attend) in order to launch a new program called "All*Star Service."
Solve your customer's problem.
Treat your customer with respect.
Acknowledge your customer.
Respond quickly to your customer.
such a cute little program, I'm surprised they haven't offered an entire course on the concept.. because I know of more than a few people who could use a crash course in employee and interpersonal communication.. namely my boss and her "by-the-book" sidekick working amongst the rest of us..
While it was basically a waste of time in my opinion, it did offer a chance to rest my feet.. and yet another the chance to actually fall asleep sitting up in her chair..
Later during lunch, we all happened to notice a group of suits converging toward the entrance, hurrying for the free luncheon they had scheduled down in the auditorium.. not too long after the last one hurried through the door, Lloyd, one of the leads happened to look up and saw a flock of birds circling the air above the parking lot.. Ok.. so we have the suits invading the hospital, and now there are birds circling in a holding pattern... would anyone dare to guess what this means? I take it as an even deeper level omen.. how much worse can it get though, really?
On a much lighter note, I got a chuckle from what I saw coming home from work today...
First let me say in case you don't know that the Kansas City Chiefs lost a critical game last Sunday (hee-hee) which caused a lot of disappointment for a lot of the fans here.. (the entire city and surrounding areas)
I pass this house every day and it wasn't until this afternood that I noticed that they had their red Chiefs banner waving in the breeze on the flagpole, at half-mast.
My boss is an idiot.
Can't order supplies..
Can't make out a schedule...
Can't effectively communicate..
Admits to having problems with forgetfulness...

HCA is the Anti-Christ.
Changes things for the "better" (?)
Impossible workload for those still on the payroll...
Leaves entire floors of staff high and dry with no viable employment option...

... And they call themselves an "Employer of Choice"?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Irony of a Nameless Muse

In the dark and
stumbling over frozen

this early in the morning
I wonder, should I take
a moment of silence to
mourn the dead
or simply be relieved...
better the racoon
than me.

There but for the grace
of God go I...
just as easily and quick
with one wrong turn, a
driver with eyes elsewhere

Maybe with the distraction
of a cell phone, or he's
looking for that one song
on the radio
he just has to hear before
pulling into work.

A dropped cigarette..
spilled coffee...
It could be anything.
Light hasn't yet graced
the roads and I'm wearing
dark clothing
approaching on foot the
blind spot over a trench.
There's more a sense of dread now than ever in going back in even after a couple of days off.
You always wonder how could it get any worse.
When will it not? The day you quit wondering, that's when.
I think the logo on my jacket says it all... I'm "Fed Up" with the whole chaotic mess. They run a place into the ground never caring about the backbone of the machine that used to be such an efficient one. They fixed things that weren't broken.. now look at it all.
On a more personal note, I can't believe the stupidity of some people. How they can self-destruct over such a long period of time, and how human nature dictates the drawn into quality likened to being helpless to do anything but watch a train wreck in slow motion. More accurately, our Birthday boy ended up in the ER after he fell and hit his head, unconscious for a few moments (whether from the alchohol or the fall is unclear.) But he'll probably still be off work for a while now over it. That just leaves more to do for the rest of us. Oh joy... I can't wait for that.

Friday, October 15, 2004

My daughter Laura came over this morning and brought her cat.. I met her coming up the stairs carrying him, and when I asked her where the carrier was, she said he didn't want to get in it and she didn't have time to struggle with him... in the same breath she said, "He pooped in my car... can you help me? It stinks now!"
Hahaha, first he pees on her, now he's poopin' in the passenger seat. Hey wait a minute, that's where I'll be sitting! So I rushed to get supplies, cleaners, sponges, Lysol spray, pet odor stuff plus some odor eliminator I got from the hospital and along with some tissue and plastic bags, I got the mess cleaned up faster than you can say "Garfield" (which he resembles, btw, lol) That was basically the excitement for the day. I guess I'll be in for some more later when I go to Bill's birthday party tonight.. Bill from work, he'll be 47. I imagine he'll get a good head start on the celebrating way before any of us show up. But I think I'll just make an appearance then go home. I don't feel much like being around people tonight, but I said I'd go...

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Following links from Wordwarrior's Xanga site, I also found this cool name generator:

What is your Japanese name?

My Japanese name is Fujiwara (wisteria fields) Kumiko (eternal beautiful child)

Note: For authenticity, be sure to enter your last name first, then your given name.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004


The rich get richer
and the poor get time,
time out - write-ups
and an incomprehensible
load on which to draw
impossible breath.

Burned out is what you
see of the dead and dying
weeds and ex-flowers still
upright and parched, roadside.

They've fulfilled their
purpose. We don't need them
anymore. Let's get fake ones
to line the halls, showcase dust
that increases daily with every
living ghost that graces the past.

Image Attachment

Image Attachment

Ok, so I've gone flickr happy.. I can't help myself though. I have to post. Now, on with the blog...

There was wall-to-wall sleeping bodies in the ICU waiting area this morning at 8 o'clock.
So I did what any self-respecting housekeeper would do... pull trash and wait till they wake up to run the vaccuum.. By my 10 o'clock break they surely be off the floor. Well during my break, the lead got paged overhead to stat vacuum the area. I don't know the full details yet, but apparently he was a little upset with the other department that called for the page. More to be updated, I'm sure...

Tonight my daughter must be on cloud nine, attending a live show. Her favorite band, My Chemical Romance is here in KC tonight.. Jason, Lauri, Laura and maybe some others have gone too.

Meanwhile, I'm anxiously looking forward to the end of another work day tomorrow. Usually that would be payday, but in keeping with HCH policy, they have notified us that our checks will be distributed on Fridays from now on, just like everybody else... what makes us not like everybody else though, is the possibility of the place eventually being torn down, after they finally close the doors.. what a shame.
I was born thene in that facility.. my mom and dad were born there... they say it's cheaper to tear it down and build something else than to renovate... Oh, what should I care? Its just a job now.. I just work at the place. Burned-out... I feel I'm getting there fast.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

This is my daughter Laura just after graduating from Truman High School last May.

Saturday, October 09, 2004


All the insides of trees
along this street
lined left to right
have come alive with the
chatterbox and cat calls
of crow and squirrel.

The longer I walk
the louder they become
as if I signal a faster
onslaught of cold...

They hurry now into yards
a flutter, a flurry of
activity, the flicker
of brush tails caught from
the corner of my eye.

I turn the corner
and a midmorning sun
is melting vague glimmers
of frost from the grass
at curbside.

I can post pics!

Image Attachment

My daughter Laura and friends at a local concert.

Friday, October 08, 2004

I love this pic, it reminds me of Morris from the old Nine Lives cat food commercials. Remember? Finicky Morris, turned his nose up at anything else they'd set down before him.... sort of like Mikey in the Life cereal commercials. "He won't eat it, he hates everything... he likes it! Hey Mikey!" Don't ask me why, I've just revisited my childhood just by seeing a photo of a cat, lol. Actually this was one of the participants in a cat show held in New York (I believe that was the place)
and as an animal lover, I couldn't resist sharing this picture here.

Orange is the color of the day, I believe. Someone from one of the poetry groups I'm in has invited me to be a guest poet on an online publication. She wanted my poem "Orange" and just updated the page, and I'm there already. So I'm real excited about that. :D
Poetry And More

It's my day off, after a very difficult week. I'm just happy to be away from the place for a while. The hospital is having some kickoff event of some sort, a free barbeque lunch for all the employees... but I'm staying as far away as I possibly can. It would be ironic that once I show up (on my day off) they'd surely put me back to work, filling in for somebody who conveniently called in sick, lol.

Extra time to get busy and continue going through some unneeded junk around here. Sell it all or throw it away. A sort of complete ransacking of closets, "fall cleaning" sort of thing. I'm getting the heck out of here if it kills me.

How about those Chefs? Yeah, I said Chefs.. even though they won last time, I don't believe they will continue. I hate the "Chefs" anyway. Oh, if anybody from work heard me say that, they'd probably try to scalp me with an Indian tomahawk prop they bought at the last home game.

Fall is here, in the air, rainy and supposed to turn off cold by Sunday, but for now it's really pretty nice. And it hasn't rained today.
Poured down yesterday, though. I was glad I got a ride home from work, sort of saved a little wear and tear on the tired puppies (my feet).
But going in yesterday was so nice, the sky had cleared and there was just enough break in the storm to enjoy it all. It seemed to bring a little warmth to the morning and the early morning dark was still kind of hazy, with all the moisture in the air yet. Really nice.

Halloween will be here before you know it.. and there's a few birthday celebrations coming up... Including (cough, cough) Bill's, from work. That should be interesting, if I go to it. Apparently he chose a place close by, up in the neighborhood. Presumably so he can stay as late as he wants and not have to ask a designated driver to stick around if they don't want to, hahaha.. Hmmm... it might sound mean, but a lot of people in the group do get tired of babysitting when they go out with him... Nah, he's an ok guy, harmless and all but he's messing himself up big time, healthwise and won't listen to any of us...

I haven't written anything lately.. just preoccupied with a lot of things. One of the floors in the hospital is to be shut down completely by the 31rst... Not only that, we're now guessing that they'll end up shutting the whole place down ahead of schedule, and so that's got everybody scrambling to look for other options. Meanwhile, they're sending part of the crew home everyday, having them come in later, or not scheduling them at all on certain days. So the outlook after this doesn't look good. I've been putting in my application and resume to a lot of similar places.... go where the work is.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Motivation: why isn't there enough to go around? Even the cafeteria ppl are leaving while there's still time. One guy, a grill cook, put it this way, "I'd rather jump ship than be pushed off it." And he'd been there quite a while. So far I haven't heard from anyone I've sent applications to.
When I last saw Viola, my old boss who had been let go, transferred actually to Lee's Summit, the only thing she said to me was, "You're still here?"
I don't know how mamy times I've played out scenes in my mind on the way to work how I'm gonna quit. I have a feeling that it will be something of a "last straw" type of thing, where I just can't take anymore bull from middle management. One last imposition and I simply clock back out and lay my id badge on the desk and just disappear. So sweet! The idea of finally being rid of the place. They're testing the patience of the best they have, only they choose not to acknowlege it. What would they do exactly if one morning every one of us was a no call, no show.. or a "sick out" scenario? I have a good idea they would resort to call in the temps and hardly anything would get done.. Would they even realize they had a good thing and blew it? Nah, not a chance.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

"Groan..." It's only Tuesday, that means two more long days to go. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were trying to kill us all by working us to death.. The latest development is that the census is way down. It was 100 filled beds this morning and at least 15-20 dismissals estimated late afternoon/evening. Most of them leave just as the day shift people are setting up to go home. And today we got hit with them hard.. doubles and back to back stat cleans.. a lot of the crew is more than fed up by now..
But this morning really takes the cake. During a meeting it was explained that since census is down, that means the supervisor is now looking for people to HR, that means basically cut hours.. with a cruel twist though.. she'd ratheer have folks come in later in the morning than sent home early. That means we're still going to get stuck with all the dismissals at once.. It's like we're being given even more to do now but with that much less time to do it.
Oh yeah, and if we don't volunteer for the schedule changes, it will be a mandotory imposition on her part. So we're screwed..
I'm dead tired at 8:00 and I'm calling it a night..

Monday, October 04, 2004

Mt. St. Helens
Stuff in the news... I wouldn't wanna be there right about now, that's for sure.
A lot of stuff happening these days... disasters. Hurricanes, one after another.. earthquakes as far inland as Fresno, tornados on the east coast... China asking the U.S. for help for their AIDS crisis..
A friend at work believes these are the end days.. Because of all the disasters happening nearly all at once. I realize that this is just one person's opinion, but she happens to be, well, more churchgoing and religious than I am. I suppose if you delved further into it, it would really be scary. Not that this isn't scary enough. The conversation today just kind of stuck with me for some reason.


This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Saturday, October 02, 2004


Something unsettling here,
a vague recollection watching
passengers board the last
orange route of the day;
once I reach my destination,
this bus heads to the garage
to sleep off the evening's
conversations and prepare
for a brand new onslaught.

But for now, I'm listening
to a tall man with a high voice
and a long blond ponytail who's
showing some other riders what
they gave her at Goodwill.
"Try it on," they say.. "see if
it fits." A woman's jacket, warm
for winter. These days sometimes
you just can't tell. She bears a
strange resemblence to Jar-Jar Binks.

And driver Sam rumbles on, rambles on,
pushes the big machine forward, through
ins and outs, side streets toward
Englewood, carrying the load of separate
conversation with each... that Sam...
sure loves to talk.

Slows to a stop for the dysfunctional
woman with the everpresent bulky cargo
on wheels, everyday with that Rubbermaid
storage tub held in place by two bungee
fasteners, parked inside now, at the
entrance. Folks can't exit, they're
stumbling trying to pass, Darlene gives
them each the evil eye.

Sam is whistling a tune of relief
once Darlene reaches her stop,
watches as she pulls the load behind
her on down the street.
"I swear she must be carrying around
her dead husband in that thing, its
like her shadow..."

Chuckles all around, its the running
joke. Then immediately on to the next
topic.. the Chiefs, religion, politics,
anything and everything, Sam's got
something to say and says it even
when no one's there to listen..
I like to think he's just practicing
for the next day.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

HCA Strikes Again

A lot of this is why I'm wanting to quit this place altogether. Health Midwest (the previous managing company) were angels compared to this. I want out! If anybody knows of a good housekeeping position on the east coast, please let me know.. I'm a good worker, very efficient, I never miss a day, never ask for extra days off.. and I don't mind overtime..


What becomes of old hospitals?

Commission ponders options
By David Tanner
The Examiner

"The highest and best service I see is one or both of these facilities can be converted, with help of TIF, into a residential senior care facility."

Dan Jones
CEO of HCA's Independence hospitals, on the future of the two existing hospitals, which will close when HCA builds its new Independence Regional Medical Center The tax increment financing plan for HCA to build a new hospital in Independence includes a $15 million fund to rehabilitate the city's two existing hospitals.

But if HCA and the city cannot find tenants for Independence Regional Health Center or Medical Center of Independence, the $15 million could be used to demolish the buildings.

City staff and HCA representatives on Wednesday presented the hospital TIF plan to the Independence TIF Commission.

If the numbers seem overwhelming � a $250 million hospital campus near 39th Street and Selsa Road and $44.3 in tax increment financing � they probably are.

Dan Jones, chief executive officer of the existing Independence hospitals and designated CEO for the new facility, said the new hospital plan is the largest single investment in HCA corporation history.
"It is the largest (private) project in the state of Missouri's history," he added.
"This will be nothing short of the most impressive health care facility developed in the metro area in the foreseeable past, and frankly the foreseeable future," Jones said.
Improved health care service has never been a contention, either by citizens or members of the City Council, but the project has faced opposition because of HCA's plans to move hospital services out of two hospitals and into a new building farther away from a dense and aging population in the city's north and west.
Jones and King spoke to the possible solutions.
"The highest and best service I see is one or both of these facilities can be converted, with help of TIF, into a residential senior care facility," Jones said.

King, who has facilitated several TIFs in Independence, said the $15 million rehabilitation fund in the TIF would be an incentive for private developers to convert IRHC or MCI into other uses.
There's also a reality to think about, King said.
"To put $15 million on the bottom line for HCA without TIF means lower profit and the project doesn't get done," he said.
Jones said $15 million is the number HCA and private contractors came up with as a worst-case scenario for demolishing both existing hospital buildings.
"Our estimated cost for turning those buildings back into green space would be $15 million," Jones said.

Local economic development experts with the city and the Independence Council for Economic Development say they don't want the worst-case scenario.
ICED President Tom Riederer said after the meeting his group would work to see the buildings get converted rather than demolished.
With the $15 million fund in the TIF for the existing hospitals, and more than $40 million in streets and off-site improvements around the proposed 39th Street campus, TIF commissioners are generally pleased with what they see in the plan.

"We're looking at 90 percent of this TIF going for off-site improvements," commission Chairman Pat Campbell said. "Most TIFs do more on-site. This one is going off-site, which is a good thing."
Jones said health care can be an economic catalyst in any municipality.
The city has used TIFs in the past to build up the 39th Street retail area from green space. In those green fields are limestone and shale that drive building costs up.
About $4 million of the HCA TIF is for construction costs, including removal of limestone and piering up new buildings on top of a layer of shale.

HCA has eyed the 86-acre site as a regional approach to health care, serving not only Independence, but also Blue Springs and cities to the south and east of Independence.
Citizens and several elected representatives are expected to speak at the formal TIF Commission public hearing, 6:30 p.m. next Thursday in the council chambers at City Hall, 111 E. Maple Ave.

HCA and the city have agreed on several points, either in the existing TIF plan or in an undrafted redevelopment plan.
HCA has agreed to put $100,000 into transportation funding, and $177,000 into William Yates Elementary School to handle future increases that come with area developments.

The new hospital would be in the Blue Springs School District, as are the other 39th Street TIF projects.
King said the new hospital property was assessed in 2003 at $44,100, and generated only $800 in taxes.
With the new hospital and the TIF plan, King said, the property would be assessed at $56.5 million and generate $5 million in taxes.
The anticipated 18-year TIF would capture half of the new taxes to pay for unique development costs, such as the limestone removal, the Little Blue Parkway, Jackson Drive and several new streets, and for dealing with the existing hospital buildings.

Jones said if HCA were to redevelop the IRHC and MCI sites into new hospitals or consolidated into one new hospital, construction costs would increase 50 to 70 percent.
He also justified moving to the 39th Street location to suit the corporation's mission.
"This location provides for equal access for all residents in our service area, both from geographical standpoint and population standpoint," Jones said.

King summarized why HCA requires tax increment financing to get the job done.
"The reason we're here with a TIF plan is not primarily to assist HCA with this hospital, it's to address concerns of citizens," King said.
But with two existing hospitals closing and possibly being demolished in the future, King's point did not sit well for some of the citizens.

"I don't like it at all," Independence senior Catherine Curtis said. She helped state Sen. Victor Callahan draft a petition over the summer to oppose HCA's plan.
City officials expect a large crowd at next week's public hearing.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

A late day today, started at 8, and I didn't get out till 5.. every day its a different start time, I don't mind the different areas, just wish I could start at the same time each day.. the earlier the better. I would clock in at 5:30 every day at Lee's Summit and that worked out fine... Oh, "whah!"

... a good friend has been feeling under the weather lately. Hope tomorrow's a better day.
Take care of yourself.. I'm just concerned, that's all..

Almost 9 p.m. and I'm a little tired. But I don't want to miss the powerball drawing, cause I (clears throat) bought the winning ticket. Again, lol. Who could resist a chance at $128 million..

Well, the numbers will still be there in the morning.. I'm going to bed.. when it hits, it hits. When it rains, it pours... manxes and labradoodles.

All edited and ready to post

Housekeepers Of The Round Table

We are so often in a place where
logic and emotion unconsciously collide,
we scan and soar the airwaves, appearing
like eagles among vultures.

We could say everything, be anything, be
anyone - animal, mineral, vegetable,
gods or the lowest form on the food chain.

We could be Housekeepers of the Round Table,
communing complaint and corporate compliance
against a pervasive evil known only as
"the bottom line."

We could fancy ourselves joyful ants
toiling away at a showcase farm, under the
watchful eye of some hidden electronic spy,
"They're not gone yet, let's keep turning
up the heat."

Even our feet are burning, barking, we can
boast this, they are surely the tired puppies today and as we laugh and "Yoo-hoo"
at the Round Table, somewhere, in the midst
of the confusion, talk of the disappeared,
and the "what will they think of next?"

It must make some iota sense to someone,
somewhere,the only question is,
who and what is that someone?

Imagine an architect, pulling strings,
from some vague location, a wizard
feverishly pulling levers, pushing buttons
behind curtain number one, sending out
text messages via mandatory pagers...

"Pay no attention to the general manager
behind the curtain."

(Something of an unfinished rough draft, that's been on my mind for the past couple of days...
If something doesn't change for the better soon, I feel as though I might explode with frustration, rot and decay right here where I stand... There's got to be a better way to earn a living.. Hey at least I'm willing to work, haha!)

Sunday, September 26, 2004

A Wish

There I would promise you
even the smallest whisper of me,
A sigh still so heavy in breath
speechless, only stammering
in thought that has no voice.

Be there for me tonight in body
when the flavor of your name
rolling like mist over my tongue
is not enough.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Some Haikus

This early chill has
awakened in me a new

In the morning I
focus my gaze to the stars,
count them as blessings.

Breathing in cool air
I fill my lungs with the dawn,
exhale a filled page.

~ This is my first attempt at Haiku.. Don't judge too harshly, lol. ~

Friday, September 24, 2004

Part Of The Problem

I was there, didn't you see?
The night the purse snatcher
took Kimber away, no lesson from
that save that you shouldn't fight
for what is rightfully yours...
You shouldn't fight?

There the day the punks gunned
down some high school kid
in the parking lot at Fashion
Faire Mall for his Oakland
Starter jacket. Were you there?
Did you see how he fell?
Did you see
how he fell?

The Harlem kid still in grade school
armed with only a 35 millimeter camera
lost to us forever now for his only ticket out... were you there to watch?
He had a name and dreams as everyone does.

Jacob... Amber... Kevin..
Even Precious Doe has a name..
and still you come to me with
rhetoric and passionate information
that's only the problem and never
the answer.

-- I wasn't going to post this yet at all.. I still consider this a rough draft, so it still might be going through some changes..
Just kind of in a rambling mood tonight.. I looked up some info on structures of different poetic forms earlier; cinquain, tanka, and haiku. I've been wanting to try my hand at some of these for a while now, I figured now might be a good time for that. Later this evening I looked up some Neruda poems.. I remember my poetry instructor back in Fresno, Dewayne Rail also had nothing but good to say about Neruda, which seemed to be his favorite. Now I see he's the favorite of many..
This might be delving into some off the wall perspectives here but I've always had a belief that you meet people in your life for a specific reason. That a situation is set up, possibly, it's up to you to figure out why that is, and make the most of it. Probably just me tonight but I feel like I've been given a wealth of oportunity, and that all I need to do is just take that first step and I will be going in the right direction. Somehow it feels like it all ties in to some of the Groups online, and I just feel very appreciative of a lot of the people who make their presence known out there.. Just the info and inspiration is more than enough. It's a comfort.
Three Quarters From Antioch

The moon reflects even now,early
while brightness falls at just the
right point, casting shadows behind
a would-be camera, perfecting the
scene; an hour filled with imaginings.

Right now above a mountain range
made of strips of melted down
cotton candy, bleached by the sun
and the promise of snow, darkened
at the edges with an outline nib
of an ancient quill pen,

watching, dreaming of others
who may also notice, I stand a
temporary sentinel from the
pavement, a scribbled document
hoping to do you justice.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Updates all around...
More state inspectors in the hospital for the past week.. the whole time they've been focusing on one particular floor... the same one where some of the nurses have been not only demeaning to some of the patients, but also ignoring them... looks like somebody might have reported them.. which is a good thing, I think. No excuse for behavior like that.. I just wish it didn't need to take something like this to make them get their act together.. Also if everybody just went and did their job the way they're supposed to, there wouldn't be any reason to panic. This paranoid whispering, "Oh, don't go in there.. State's here!" is ridiculous.. I bet they'd rather see people doing their job, than have the entire place scared to make a move. Poppycock! We work here, Stupid... All these departments just scared to death... it would be comical if it weren't so pervasive. Stupidity seems to be running rampant today anyway. Adonna called me out of my area to go mop a dialysis room, which wouldn't have been so bad, except that the room in question had a Contact Precaution sign on the door.. so I ask her about it, and she tells me, "Oh this room stays a Contact..." So I continue, "Well don't I need the yellow gown and the whole bit?" Her reply: "Nah, I don't think so." (She doesn't think so.) Well, it turned out to be the wrong room, but that's not the point. I came close to going to the Infection Control nurse to see what she might have to say about that.. But no damage done, at any rate.. but what if she ever tells a new employee something like that, and they go in the room without precautions, and they catch something??
I think I will tell her about this.
Ok, I've said my piece on airhead bosses, lol.

My son has a new job at Ryan's restaraunt starting tomorrow. He'll be working evenings/nights. Meanwhile, my daughter had a job at a convenience store until the guy that she was going to replace decided to stay after all, so now she's back to square one. Bummer.

There's a Powerball drawing tonight... the jackpot is $95 million. And of course I have the winning ticket, muahahaha!

Bands... bands... Nick Pick is quitting Gametime.. a sad day. His last show with them will be October 6th. I'm gonna have to at least make it to that one... but, :(
I guess things change, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better.. Laura's not upset about it at all.. so I guess it's a good thing.
It was so much different with Fed Up..
This band (Gametime) is all cool with it, there are no hard feelings... he gave his reasons, and they understood.. it has to do with a more Christian perspective and he felt that he wasn't currently going in that direction, so he's taken steps to get on the right path for himself, musically... Very commendable. I'm really impressed. And so is Laura.

Epsilonakaeric is a hopeless romantic in love, which explains why he hasn't been posting any of his fav e.e. cummings poems in Bailey's.
You go, Epsilon!

And how about those Chiefs, huh? Hahahahahaha!
Need I say more? Go Chiefs! :P

I suppose this taps out my updates for the time being. Take care, everybody.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Speak, See, Hear

Be careful
how you treat your charges..
We are still the eyes and ears,
the fly on the walls
of this building.
We see your expressions,
hear you laughing..
the disdain in your voice,
meant for an elderly woman
or man, stroke victims,
alzhiemer's patients...
the morbidly obese.
Continue with jokes, direct
insults.. go on about your
business as if we are not there...
You are certain we are not.
We are the eyes, the ears and the
backbone of every patient floor...
So be careful,
your uppance will come.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Woah... Did anybody happen to catch the new Def Poetry last night? This is why its my favorite show. Beau Sia made a long-awaited appearance... and did not disappoint. I loved the poem, "I'm So Deep" just hilarious... and some others making an appearance, a trio performing a type of song/poem. Amazing, it reminded me of when I used to go to local readings at the Java Cafe in Fresno, in the Tower District. They had a group come in from Sacramento, doing a sort of poetry/performance/word assault... that's the only way I can describe it but it was just so awesome. That's really what got me into actively searching for venues for such a thing. Ever since then, I've loved listening to Spoken Word, readings, slams, whatever. Its inspiration for me.
Anyway, if anyone missed this episode, they replay it on Wednesday nights, on HBO, 10 p.m. central time. Don't miss out!

Sunday, September 19, 2004


Like my feelings for you
the brightest stars
are still there in the
morning sky when I wake,
playing hide and seek
behind the peaceful
counted sheep of clouds.

Watch how they drift
and travel, like my love
for you they follow change
set by the breeze, follow
an esoteric path led by
my heart.

Could you feel it,
my heart?

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Monster storm pulled through last night here for some reason. Lightning, thunder, quarter-sized hail. It even woke me up.. and I usually sleep through just about anything.
Laura stayed the night.. and it woke her up too, but she was more afraid of what it would do to her car. It sounded like somebody was slowly dumping rocks on the roof. (Maybe it had something to do with my dream about the rocks and boulders, lol) Power must have gone out too, during the night. When I woke up this morning, my alarm clock was stuck on the same time, flashing the digital display from when it came back on. Well luckily no hail dings on the car, and no broken windows, no snapped tree limbs.. just a freak storm, all the way up here..

Friday, September 17, 2004

Saunas To Snow Caps

Felt the coolest breeze yet
(it's happening fast)
tonight in contrast to the
bright heat of the day,
so stark it was suffocating
(and with it came)
the wilting of anything
warm-blooded that may have
been caught out in the open
for a spell.

I always did take the
cool damp and dropping
temperatures more in stride,
so much better than that
unrelenting directness of

(It saps the strength, you know)
if left to its own devices
long enough, pulls your energy
toward its own fiery mass,
away as if from the very bones,
as if that's where your energy
is stored.
~ The city of Blue Springs is losing out on lots and lot of money. Read on. ~

Bands won't play tonight

Misunderstanding pulls the plug on concert stage
By Stephanie Howard
The Examiner
A battle of the bands has turned into a battle between a Blue Springs business and the Chamber of Commerce over the Blue Springs Fall Festival.
Low-Key Productions sponsored a battle of the bands last year with the hopes that the winners would perform on their stage during the festival this year. But the event was canceled Thursday following a misunderstanding about whether the event was sanctioned as part of the Fall Festival.
The chamber decided in February not to have the stage this year.
But Jane Schmitz, with Low-Key, said she didn't know of the chamber's plans until June when she spoke to a board member.
"We've been working with the Fall Fun Festival for five years," Schmitz said. "Every year it's grown. Depending on how it's grown they've moved us around."
Upon learning the chamber wasn't going to sponsor the stage, Schmitz and her husband, John, met with chamber members to discuss alternate locations and decided on the Freshman Center.
Chamber president Debbie Whisler told Schmitz the chamber would advertise the event in the festival brochure. Low Key also is listed as a festival sponsor in the brochure.
"We were very, very specific with the Schmitzes on numerous occasions that it wouldn't be part of the festival," Whisler said.
About three or four weeks ago, Schmitz sent Whisler an e-mail asking for help with security. Schmitz's request was denied at that point because the event was not part of the festival.
So Schmitz asked for a refund on their $300 sponsorship in order to offset the increased costs in insurance and security. She found an electrician to volunteer time for the lighting.
Wednesday night the school district called to confirm details of the event. The district's policy restricts renting or lending district facilities to city and chamber events. District representatives asked Schmitz to get a confirmation the concert was part of the festival.
Unable to get that confirmation, the district could not lease the facilities for the concert. Game Plan, a local group with a national recording contract, was scheduled to play.
"They were donating their time to play for their hometown tonight," Schmitz said. "We were expecting close to 3,000 kids."
To reach Stephanie Howard, send e-mail to stephanie.howard @examiner.net or call her at (816) 229-9161, Ext. 25.

~ Did I miss something? Has anyone heard of this new band, Game Plan? If anyone has the chance to hear them play, let me know how they sound. Chances are, they could give Nick Pickerell's band a run for their money! ~
Well ya know...
My life is repeating itself with none of the good and more of the same.
Tide and time wait for no one, so it is my duty to myself to make a clean break once and for all. I will flit the moon, go by nightfall, leave the negative in search of whatever positive I might find.
Never mind the Freudian slips, I've already deleted and typed over them, there may be more, so be warned. What a mess this is and what a mess I am for allowing it. Cosmic chain notwithstanding in its field of expertise. Where do I go from here? I go east.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Well Yes! It's my Friday, even though it's everyone else's Thursday, my weekend starts this evening. Plus it's payday to boot! Not that I'll get to keep very much of it. Lol.
But after yesterday, and its stack of dismissals to log in and out (hehe) I'll surely be ready for it when 3:30 rolls around today.

Hmm... I wonder who my anonymous commenter is?
Something about dream interpretation. Yes, it could have meant anything.

My daughter starts another new job tommorow as a convenience store clerk. She had been watressing at an IHOP, but she wasn't too happy with they way the crew was treating her, so on to something else.
My son has an odd job now... delivery assistant for a small tv repair shop. Only trouble with that is, there are no set guaranteed hours.. it's more like a PRN position where they call you when they need you... better than nothing I guess.

I'm spending my day off tomorrow sending out my resume, networking and searching for a better job in a better location. I've just had it with the place... and it happens to be Housekeeper Appreciation week at all the local hospitals.... only not much appreciation here to speak of. Oh they're doing the standard gestures, but forgetting to distribute the cute little tokens, haha. For example, there were two boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts getting stale in the office a full day before they decided they ought to bring them out for us.. the final break of the day.. I can just hear Adonna's excuse now... "Oh my, darned if that didn't just slip my mind, and here I've been looking at them all day. Imagine that!"
That and all the trainee nurses HCA has brought in from foreign countries to replace the ones who thought they were going to the new hospital. What a low blow that has to be.. It's time to move on, never again to associate myself with anything HCA.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Long day, messed up hours, and working in ICU too. For the census being down for that area yesterday, I sure worked my butt off today.
I was Linda Bake today. I'm a different "person" on any given day... I get people asking me, "Where's Martha today?" ... "Where's Linda?" "Is Sharon sick today?" I sometimes wonder, since I don't have a regular area.. if they even think of asking about me when I'm gone.. Oh poot.. as if I care! Lol. It's just another day. Put in my eight hours and go home. It's not like its my whole damn life, pffft.
So that's how it is. Tired and cranky. And stressed.. funny how some people can just worm their way back into your life without even asking permission for it, or anything else.
I never asked for this. I'm getting out of town as soon as I can.

Sunday, September 12, 2004


The wind moves across
my mind in spontaneous rotation,
combustible through rythm, heat
and swirling, the colliding
at pedestals built of

I pray, I meditate in the moment
how each the proven unyielding
stand strong against an onslaught
sturm and drang.

How true that uncertainty
lives there, yes, ever the
coexisting element sometimes
winning, sometimes not.
I Spoke Softly

I lose myself tonight in
the throes of conflicting

I spoke softly to a perfect
gentleman who lives for small
lights after nightfall, told him

Inspiration curls my toes,
that from rocks I find gold
enough to make lemonade,

and that in the time
it takes for planets to approach
each other almost close enough
to touch, the universe will hold
the same sky, that same velcro
tapestry into which God tossed
his silver.

The same can be seen
and held lofty
by anyone.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I had a very strange dream last night. In it I was younger, and was there at my grandma's house and helping my dad with some yardwork in the front. Suddenly he flew into a rage and started pitching rocks at me.. everytime I told him to quit he'd throw another one, and they'd get progressively bigger and pitched with more speed the more I told him to stop... I'd tell him, "I'm not going to help if you keep throwing those rocks at me." Pretty soon they were the size of small boulders, whizzing past me all the way down to the dead end at the bottom of the hill. I turned to scream at him in frustration, and when I did that.. I woke myself up at 3 a.m. Wonder what this is supposed to mean? Very bizzare.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

I'm thinking of my grandma, I'm thinking of my mom. Virginia Alberta Burson, gone by Thanksgiving '98. Saint Ginney, Grandma Rock, took guff off of no one... always there, always there when times were too tough to continue. Grandma Astrology, Reincarnation, Grandma whose beliefs always ended up in my mindset, except for one.. except for the old-fashionedness and danger of prejudice. I could always overlook because that was never all of her circle.. and it was a big circle. I swear, sometimes I can see her influence in my thoughts, and probably will till I go myself to some white light, someplace with no fear or pain, I swear it on my mother's grave.
My mother's grave lays near where she once stood in mourning for Virginia, for Harold, for the non-survivor twin of a younger brother, and then years later, for three-day-old Christopher. My mother's grave marker spells out the name: Linda Lee Hall, and there floods a lifetime of memory, brief snatches of birthday parties with special touches, handmade ornaments at Christmas time. The good, the bad, the ugly, the breaks where she faltered and hospitalized, weak, dizzy in mental fluff, I thought her weak for that, I am guilty of that. Guilty. Of judging too harshly, of not understanding, how the loss of a child could break a person. I was a child myself, how could I base a judgement, not knowing the facts? But base I did, base I am now for doing so. Deemed her weak and needy. Then. But we go on, we always go on. Through the years and the watching, through the family reunions, where the funniest stories of how Centralia's Aunt Margaret at 12 climbed the water tower, just because it was there, "the longest red hair, that's how you could tell it was Margaret." Through Thanksgivings and Christmases, and New Years...
All the way to the year 2000. So many trips to the hospital, among all the radiation and chemo, and such long all day sessions they were, complete with the waiting, the waiting.
And there (I wasn't ready) to hear the chaplain tell us he was there to make her ready with the Lord. I was always the first one to say she would surely fight such finality, knowing by then what it took to go through the loss of hair, the nausea, the rheumatoid arthritis, the bouts with broken bones, the falls, loss of appetite, the wasting away into unconsciousness was not weakness, but strength.
They are both deeply missed.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Halloween on Christmas... are the lines from the song playing on the radio..
I couldn't sleep. Woke up at 1:30, leg cramp from Hell woke me up, and when I tried to go back to sleep, Ozzy interrupted with his meowing at the bedroom door. So here I am with still the first cup of coffee of the morning, many more to follow I'm sure.. or maybe I'll try it again, forty more winks before the day.

~Back home this afternoon~
I keep thinking about how my cell phone rang three different times later on in the morning... (this is a test) a call from the defective home phone.. my son, testing the phone to see if he could hear it ring on the line. Woke me up again to the tune of Country Grammar. Is life surreal or what? I've been dragging all day as a result and now I think I'll go take a nap, lol.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Birds On Break

I watched them connect
light rails through a
train track sky
complete with its own
separate horizon
running diagonal
snow caps on that arial
mountain range.

Aerie, the eagle's nest
forgotten this late in
the season, is still
my comfort for today.

-- The morning was incredible, going in to work today. Last of the stars were still there, just starting to fade. By the time I was halfway there, I noticed a group of blackbirds perched and singing on some power lines directly over my path. (I remember the bird scene in the Mel Brooks movie, High Anxiety... so I quickly stepped out of bombing range, lol) But just then I happened to look up at the sky and noticed again how the clouds look so much like train tracks... Just a beautiful morning.
Go Through

If I were to travel the distance of highways,
this half-life to me would save what is left
of hope, the remainder of a dream.

If I would search for you, find you again
after time, after loss, after all is said and done
continuing with friendship, what of that...

The feelings are still there, my friend
the ache that lacks you, overwhelming need
of you, the jaded hands in my sleep are yours.

Yours is the breath that takes my breath
the silence that leaves me wanting, the laughter
that I live for, the you that makes me

linger in awe for hours upon those images,
your thoughts, always the mind scope of
experience, there from the beginning.

And so I go through, heeding and heedless
of emotion strong enough to make me weak,
comforting enough to see the best and worst
in you.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Labor Day Weekend

Well, with the Labor Day weekend already begun, it's time to remind ourselves to be careful out there before going out this weekend (or any other weekend).
We've already lost too many friends and family members on the road over the past couple of years, because they were involved in drunk driving accidents.
So get it together people, how many of your friends have to die before you take away their car keys, call them a cab, or offer to let them sleep it off?
Not to let those drinking off the hook. If you're drinking, DON'T GET BEHIND THE WHEEL. You made the choice to drink, now make the right decision by admitting you're not in control. Oh, and I've heard the same excuse so many times... "I'll get in trouble if I'm not home by a certain time"... "My parents will kill me if I'm late..." "I'm not that drunk, I'll be ok..." Excuse the harshness here, but not many parents can kill their kids when they're dead already.
Look if you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to face the music by trusting your gut instincts... if you feel uncomfortable about something, if you have that unnameable fear in the back of your mind, don't do it. It's that simple. Better to still be alive to face a parent's wrath the next morning than never being able to see them at all.
So ultimately it's your decision... but make it an adult decision.

-- I'm not sure how many in the targeted age actually read this blog, but I'm not leaving any available stone unturned --
Mrs. Johnson's House

The house across the street
had cactus/cacti on the porch,
a tomato garden in the back,
stray kittens to give away, and
radio church every Sunday morning.

Year after year
Mrs. Johnson always told me
that she would sew a nice
dress for school if only
I would stop biting my nails.

And in the summers with
her grandchildren visiting
from New Mexico, spending days
anticipating sparklers, black
cats and sidewalk noisemakers,

evenings we caught lightning bugs
saved in glass jars with air-holed lids,
Venetia gathering pulled up grass for
them to hide in, Reynaldo tearing almost
like a flash out of the house half dressed

and untoweled into another humid backyard
night immediately after an adult imposed
bath, mom-shouts trailing after him like
water drops from the heels,
"Don't you go outside yet..."

Ask him what for, he'll grin wide
everytime... "I don't know, I just did."

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


Morning breaks
and you are still there
reflecting all those
little darts within
the evidence left behind;
shattered glass along the
street, nothing else remains.

If you had a sound, it would
be of bells, just as clear
and free to reflect, the
far away ringing of laughter
as the nameles, faceless
thief is cuffed and brought
to justice.

I turn the corner, several
corners and meet with a
blood red sky, and at that
moment there is visual
space enough for both the
white-hot and silver-cool
extremes on the pattern, always
there I'm sure, but even more
valid when you aren't hiding.
Ok, everybody can just forget about buying themselves a Powerball ticket. The jackpot is up to $39 million by now but you'll all just be wasting your time and money if you bought one.... Because I've already bought the winning ticket. No, it's useless even to make the trek up the the corner Conoco or Quicktrip, so don't even bother.. I already have the winning ticket. Now don't go around saying if you win you'll give me a healthy sum, divvy it up among the priveleged few, make charitable donations in the name of friends... I have the winning ticket. Yeah... that's the ticket!
Wouldn't it be nice? Oh sweet, so sweet.. I tell you this... there would sure be a lot of happy cats around, lol. No more homeless animals.. I'd start by opening me up a no-kill animal shelter, right here in Sugar Creek... yeah, that's the ticket. There would be a domino effect of such openings, the likes of which Bob Barker could only dream, haha! And I would travel, would move to the city of my choice, do the same thing there... Dream on, my friend...
What would you do with that big a jackpot?

Sunday, August 29, 2004


Step out onto the landing
the heat so thick
you can almost scoop
the air with the cup
of a hand, a sure sign
a break is needed.

Heard it from inside,
the tell-tale calling
card of resin solid
tree droppings having
crash-landed, bounced
once or twice on the
roof, another signal,
an approach of damaging

Step out onto the landing
and a stereo symphony of
cidadas rising in creshendo
assault the ears, the same
gust that scurries the reign
of leaves travelling in rotation
pulls the tune closer, pulls in
concentrated hypnotic, so easy
to get lost in.

Friday, August 27, 2004

His Happiness

Because of this,
because of all this
I know he will haunt
me the rest of my days.

Dans la douler mon
coeur se casse
continuellement san
mon irlandais.

My one bright spot
to see from the day,
comfort for the night.
My heart set on a mind
that follows the whims
of the breeze and oceans,
but remains there
in shadow deep in doubt,
I would gladly take
all his highs and lows...

His walls now a fortress,
I cannot go forward
and I cannot turn away,
his happiness is worth
more to me than me.

Mon seul souffle
chucote votre nom dans
longing, avant que
lest larmes arrivent.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

A very understated "yay..." to impart to any and all interested. You may know Def Poetry airs on HBO at 11 pm eastern time. I just got some info from Beau Sia, who's one of my favs on the show. His next appearance is coming up on Sept. 12. Let's watch, shall we? "Yay..."