Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Monday, October 27, 2003

In this week before Halloween, I'd like to address all you pet owners out there to pay close attention to the safety of your pet. This is especially true if you own a cat, since there are some very cruel people out there, who may harm pets for sport, around this time of year. Please keep your cats inside these days leading up to Halloween, and it may be a good idea to do so a few days after as well. And as always, never give your pets chocolate, much as they seem to beg for it when its around, there's a chemical in chocolate that is very toxic to dogs and cats as well. Just a friendly reminder, in hopes for a safe and happy Halloween. :)
Oiche Shamna

Rain or shine, I will be there
running through the scavenger hunt,
right after I finish "Old Yeller"
But for now I'm facing half in,
half out of the dark.
Wait for me, I will be there.
Imagine tonight that the moon is full,
that there have never been drugs in
candy, no razor blades put to apples.
Go back to a time before Kevin Perry
sat home Halloween night watching
thriller movies the whole time, ate bags
full of Snickers, huffed enough cans of
all purpose cleaner to never again make
it to class. What the hell was he thinking.
Cloudy or clear, I will be there
despite the latest stories of animal sacrifice
the torturing of a stray kitten or someone's
pet. Only God could help the next person I
see to do such a thing.
Rain or shine, rain or shine
I will be there
trying to remember innocence
and failing miserably.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Well, it seems a lot happened at work while I was gone on vacation. All the exiting stuff usually does... All the supervisors at many of the area hospitals, including the one I work for, who are contracted out by Sodexho, were notified that they either will be gone for sure, or gone pending further notice... Talk about stress. I would hate to be in that situation. But then, who knows, those cuts have actually gone to our level before, and they may again. What was that line from Star Wars? "I've got a bad feeling about this..."
I've been having some temporary trouble with my isp, so for now my time on the internet is limited to the times I can make it up here to the library and use their computers. Hopefully soon that will be taken care of.. So if anyone is wondering why I'm not posting as much or answering my emails like I used to, this is why. Bear with me... Lol
My daughter is in Santa Barbara, checking out the "Dream College" Brooks Institute. I think her exact words when she called me last night, about the place was, "Wow.....Just Wow. The place is amazing..." I'm really glad she's so impressed, it makes for great motivation, hahaha.

They line the hallway
on both sides
before breakfast and lunch,
when alzheimer's and dementia
trips, turns and runs the loudest.
Some in good moods, a few in
perpetual combative mode, and the
whoops and hollers... "Hey, ho....
God is good, Good is God..."
All with something to say,
even coworkers with warnings
in passing, on the way up,
"Watch your back..."
Lock yourself in the utility room
if you have to, and duck out
the other way.
Beware the silent well-meaning
bear hugs from out of nowhere,
the ones you feel compelled to
notify with "a little help here, please."
For now its just a little comic relief,
but in a place like this there's never
enough comic relief to go around,
when it all turns serious, heart-wrenching.
After lunch, dining room duty
wiping down tables, listening, listening.
In the corner she sits crying, begging
to use the phone, call her husband
who's been gone these twenty years.
Outside in the alcove, old man
mutters from his wheelchair
to himself, to anyone within earshot,
"help me... someone please help me."
All a different pitch of monotone,
and at the end of my shift
as I stand at the exit, ready
to punch the new code on the
keypad, from behind me
another voice is added
to the symphony, a thin wail
of "I'm so tired.. I want out
of this world."

Friday, October 24, 2003

Indian Summer

Enjoy it while you can
this unseasonable warmth
won't last long.
And in the morning,
if you take out early enough
when the quiet and calm are
still in control, before stars and
moon have released their
sentinel grip to the new day.
You can feel the power of time
and patience, how much wisdom
there is in the waiting,
and the following,
and the learning.
I look up and he's grinning again
reflecting light back toward some
collective source, having returned,
that was sent unconscious
through the ages
by those in love.

Monday, October 20, 2003

Dreaming Volumes

How long can this distance
haunt my sleep,
this dreaming of you,
to you, with you.
And each night all
that we have,
all that we speak,
though not actually
speaking... volumes
of need, with meaning
through distance
through night.
I look at your hair,
knowing how my fingers
want to become entangled
there within.
The look on your face,
the knowing in your eyes
from where I stand.
And we dream volumes.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

My vacation is nearly over, I go back to work tomorrow. For some strange reason, I feel like I'm ready to go back. Just for the sake of getting on with things. I even think some people have already started getting used to me not being there, since at least one of my co-workers seems to have forgotten my name. How quickly forgotten, hahaha!
Really have enjoyed this time off though, and if I didn't exactly get everything done I wanted to accomplish, at least I got things going in the right direction, I hope. There's still a lot of direction to go, I've sent applications and resumes to quite a few places. Now the hardest thing is the waiting for a response. Well, I'm hoping for the best.
I'm looking forward to the Def Poetry Jam tour coming here next month on the 11th, I was really excited to hear about that. That is still one of my favorites, one that I never miss when its on tv, or try not to miss. So I'll be going to that, for sure. But I have yet to find out where its to be held at. I hope they find a venue before the 11th. I would hate to think they'd take KC off the schedule. Nah, they wouldn't do that, would they?
I think that's about it for now. Until next time.

Friday, October 17, 2003


I don't live and die
by a flashing sword
like the pixilated
wielder of a photon
weapon in the dark,
through all hours
of the night, level
set to full, virtual
shots of some fantasy
invading dreams while
I sleep. I choose no
technologically advanced
mass role playing graphics.
None at all, with exception
for that of a purist,
stills caught through
reflection in patience and
lighting, moments in time
to find some essence of
a muse, God only knows.
I am able, willing, more
than ready to take it all
back, my life, and get on
with living a real one.
How Sentimental

It's unreasonable
the rain tonight, at
forty degrees and falling
fast, slightly out of sync
with the rest of the world.
And thoughts of winter
or Tule fog settling in
and on again turning to
the lonliness of holidays.
Only hours ago there was
perfection in a yard
crisp in color and texture,
bright in a lens,
would have made
such a shot,
a small memory turned
tangible that I could
hold in my hands, smile
in the brief moment
that was my own and private
and all the while, this same
moment spawns the burning
behind the eyes, a feeling
that wants so desparately
to share.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

From the Top

Wide awake I'm
blindsided and rolled
by gravel like being
caught in the inner
workings of a top.
It rolled from the edge,
road to ditch to grass
turning forever in slo-mo.
Fore the only point
connected to anything at all,
aft waving wild at the
witness already sprinting
down towards them, cause
he saw as they streaked by
Damn that's just
way too fast,
saw and took immediate
pro-active cordless stance
from his front yard
in Odessa.

She calls at 12:15
in the a.m.
Before I say anything else,
I'm alright.

Monday, October 13, 2003


When this empty cloud
drifts too close
in and around
visions I've tried to
bring to life, and when
vague intangibles,
having taken the image
shapes of dreams within
patches of moonlight,
there's longing turned
to hope.
We are far less alone
finding laughter in life
and loving it all.
I've traveled this far
venturing so close
I could almost
feel you now.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

It's been a great vacation so far. I've gotten a lot of things done that I couldn't have done otherwise. Things like going to the library whenever I want, getting a little more organized around the place, and some Halloween decorating, a little that is... I've been able to be more relaxed while writing, and I'm really enjoying that. Plus I've been able to get my resume together and printed out the way it should be, and sending it by fax to some different places. Now comes the hardest part - the waiting. I really do hope that I hear from some of those places at least by the end of next week, before my vacation ends so I can look forward to some sort of goal and not be stuck in the same place, literally or figuratively.
I heard also from my friend out in California, it looks like I'm gonna be getting my acoustic guitar back pretty soon. I need to get new strings... But this is good.. :)
My daughter is planning a visit to check out the college in a few weeks, she's really hopeful about ths one. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it really does all work out.
Well I figure I have a week left to enjoy, do some really creative things, and all before I go back to work on the 19th. Oh and before I forget, the score is currently Kansas City-1, Los Angeles-0.....
Go Wizards! Take care people.
Identity Crisis

Haven't been myself lately
and today I may even be
somebody else, and float
the corridors...
But for now I take a cup
of instant to jump-start
the day. An aural dose of
Thrice and Fed*Up, one more
cup to last long enough to
get me there under the clock.
Schedule says I'm Martha today
so down the stairs I go, to
flip the light, undo padlock
pull links from a cart chained up
for when vendors descend in
dead of night, another mysterious
short order, and supplies disappear.
Such an infamous sleight-of-hand.
Guess tomorrow I'll be Sue,
floors three and five,
all week a different personality.
B1, 2, 4 East, West, North,
all points inbetween, and tell them
"That is correct, sir" I am
everywhere, everyday. Another day
collecting another fifty cents.
(must have been inflation in reverse)

Friday, October 10, 2003

Net Worth

My Clan map of Scotland,
Rampant Lion on the wall,
near the corner, and next
to it, sun solstice wind chimes.
Collections of all things
Celtic, photos, books and
mementos useless to anyone
but myself.
Tiny cat plates and figures,
candles, gifts and possessions
of those here and gone
too soon. I know
what this is like.
And right there, you can
see it all when you enter.
The rosary I searched months
for, rescued from an alcoholic
haze-meister who would have
sold it as well, just for spite.
Or the greeting card I sent
years ago and found, kept after
all this time, the one with
"An Irish Blessing"
It's all there, a full-eye view
of what's always been the
most important parts of the past.
You can see it when you enter.
Second Sight

What was left behind
in Shawns eyes
became a gift,
some better quality
of life than before,
some absolute ability
for one, or two
What was left behind
becomes the gift through
modern miracle, science
and donorship, and wisdom
via the bigger scene,
the larger scope
of things to come.
All this from such a terrible
sacrifice no parent
should ever have to make.
What was left behind of
Shawn became second sight.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

First, a moment of silence and prayer for the friends and family of Frank Whittlesy, an 83-year-old man who was tragically struck and killed by oncoming traffic while leaving the supermarket Monday evening.
(story found at examiner.net)

Just as I was on my way out the door yesterday, a friend who lives out in Liberty came by needing help with moving stuff into the basement. They have been doing some finishing touches on their house (which is only about a year old). Right now they're hiring people to finish the basement. Well it seems Home Depot delivered all the drywall early and left it on the front lawn. And since the workers hadn't had a chance to get there yet, and it was scheduled to rain, she was rounding up as many people as she could find to move all that stuff around to the basement. So it was me, my son, some other guy and her, all trying to move these 8-ft, 10-ft. and 12-ft. pieces of drywall. Hahahaha. Me and her handled about 6 or 7 of the 8-ft. pieces from the stack before the workers showed up. And I just learned something. I can't lift worth ca-ca. Did it but had a lot of trouble... a lot different from what I'm used to at work, with the linen carts. So this morning I woke up all sore. Anyway, after that we both went in and help her mother paint the kitchen. It really looks good, a kind of muted red color, really fits the interior. Even before a second coat it looks good. Took up the rest of my day, but it was good to help some.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Well, I was off these past two days, go back to work tomorrow, and then, and then....
I don't go back till the 19th. Gives me plenty of time to look for something else, somewhere else.
I hope the search yields something decent. I've already sent my resume to a couple of places, online.My daughter finally found a job at Krispy Kreme. And hmmm... she makes more per hour than I do. Well I guess that's one more reason to look elsewhere, the hospital doesn't pay its housekeepers enough.
Well I'm really glad though that she's been able to save up for a good digital camera she's going to be using for school, and beyond that, for what she's choosing as a career. She'll be visiting Brooks sometime later this month. I hope she likes it.
At this moment, the Wizards are tied with Colorado 2-2 in tonights game. Soccer, much better than football, baseball: the Chief and Royals. You can really tell around here when the Chiefs are winning a game, and also when they're losing. There's some pretty angry people then, they just take it too personally. I mean it's one thing to say, "we won" cause you relate so to the team. But it's really stupid the way some folks take it as a personal insult if their favorite player happens to fumble the ball. That's why I could care less about the NFL. There are just too many hardcore fanatics. Don't get me started about the Superbowl, hahaha. Oh I'll watch, but not for the game, it's for the ads. That tradition goes all the way back when the marketing class was given an exercise to time each commercial and then calculate how much each national buyer of airtime spent during the game. And I've been watching for the ads ever since...

Well "We Won!" (the Wizards) KC 4, CO 2 Final score... See, that wasn't so bad, was it? Take care people.
The Only Thing That Matters

I'll meet you in the pouring rain.
We'll brave the elements, wind
and thunder, we'll match our
electricity with that of the skies,
when lips and tongues meet, searching,
needful, mindful, tender,
such an urgent response.
I'll meet you in the pouring rain
we'll be soaked through coats,
clothes, to the skin, the chill
so bitter the only thing that matters
is the warmth of us, the feel of your
body held close. The only thing that
matters is the deep, hypnotic
power of your kiss.
And now I find myself
falling into feeling, into surrender,
into weakness, in too deep
into the intensity I've never felt.
I'll meet you in the pouring rain
where the only thing that matters
is you.

Friday, October 03, 2003


When we are solid, strong, together,
secure in the knowledge of each other.
Loving, content after passion
renders senseless the body, spends
energy, leaves sleepy warm smiles
and murmurs of "Goodnight, sweet
dreams my passionate man..."
I can struggle with wakefulness
a few moments longer, just to
hear your breathing as you fall asleep.
S.S. Victim Rant

Payday. I passed the address
today by accident on the way
to the bank. And now the whole
scene reeks of deja vu
all over again.
The house where it happened.
Small stuffed animals circle
the tree, just like the papers
said, tall candles line the curb
just beyond. Vigils are ongoing
until the killer
is caught.
And I (hate this)
had no idea this was
so close, because I am so
tired, hearing of killings,
the stabbings, deaths of
people I've known from
years ago.
This is supposed to be
the "heartland of America"
at least that's what the
journalists have always called it,
but only the heartless will survive
here eventually, they're too busy
wasting life here, they spew hate here,
call themselves good ole' boys, realists,
hunters and survivalists, NRA spokespersons
and gun enthusiasts. Not a one wants the
ounce of realization it takes to see that
they're living a Springer episode, how base
they want to exist, how little they want
to know.
Another triangle where he beats up pregnant
girlfriend, like a fool she takes him back
time and again. Now he's a murderer, both
having run off to parts unknown, leaving
behind death. I knew the victim.
I always know the victim, more and more,
too often these days.

Writer's Block

I gotta story to tell,
a million of them.
I need to write, need to write
but life, survival, obstacles
block the way, that linear
line of thought, that which
inspires, although if a thought
were to come across to others
now, it would be a convoluted
tapestry of impenetrable meaning.
And I can imagine, like years ago
comments like "where the hell did
that come from?" or "it's dark, like
Plath" and never having read Plath,
much. But still - I need to write
a poem, let the answers come on
the breeze, on the winds of change,
on the turn of seasons. Let the heart
and gut instinct change my life for the
better, God knows it needs changing.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

There have been so many complaints from the people I work with about how we're being treated, about the new time schedules, about how things are being run in general, etc.. I don't understand this: They laid off those three people, Dennis included, and the reason was... "budget"... There are plans to shut down this hospital, MCI, and Lee's Summit Hospital within the next couple of years, yet the powers that be are spending so much money on cosmetic stuff, like redoing the circle drive at the entrance. It looks better but really didn't need to be done. And all the extra painting done on the outside by independent contractors, that's gotta cost. So what's really up with the "budget"? They'd rather beautify the place on the outside, than keep staff on the books that keep it clean on the inside. Grrr...
I still say that was low the way they did those layoffs. I haven't heard from Dennis lately, think I'll call, find out if he's found something. He told me the (general manager) said MCI was hiring floor techs but Dennis don't have a car, and the busses don't run that early. His answer was, " "Bus service has improved greatly in the past couple of years." Uh. No, it hasn't. It was ok when living right down the street from work, but MCI is all the way across town. Yeah, I'll call up and say, ".... Hey you..." lol.
And I sure hope there's not another day like yesterday at work. Had to go in at 8, which is too late t start in my opinion. You feel like you're behind all day long. I lost my keys, had to go through the trash looking for them, weren't there. checked everywhere. Dealt with snotty nurses, I'm doing my job, but I'm always in their way. Everybody's having to come in at a different time now, plus take their lunches at different times. There was nobody out there when I took lunch. Randy says they're trying to split us all up, and I'd have to agree.
Well today has to be a better day, so I'm gonna go ahead and get ready for it... "That's my story and I'm stickin' to it..." (Colin Quinn, SNL)