Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Monday, March 29, 2004

Clarity in Glass

Dreams of you awaken as
the rain patterns alternate
light and heavy rythms
against the surface outside.
Moving through the near
pitch-black of this room
I hear it closer now,
more demanding at
windows still blanketed
away for winter storms.
Hear the rain and wonder
the whys, the reason,
cause and effect,
the purpose unclear
if only for a moment.
Listening, and grateful
for the pleasant coolness
of insulated glass,
the truest conductor
against doubt, at least
for tonight.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

A moment of discovery here... I was browsing some Yahoo groups dealing with books and I happened across one of my favorite writers, Diana Gabaldon. One of them listed the official website, which is:


The site has updates on current and future projects, posted by Gabaldon herself. What I was really excited about was news of two new books, The Fiery Cross (I already knew about this one, but haven't read it yet) and one that's in the works right now, called A Breath of Snow and Ashes.
If anyone has read the Outlander series, they must know how addictive these books are. I felt I just had to share this with anyone who might be interested. I thought this was some good news, and definitely something to look forward to.

Monday, March 22, 2004

The Pit

"Excuse me, I know you're busy
but could you please separate
the white from that egg and
cook just the yolk?"
Quizzical, a quick scan for the
source among a thousand starving
students having converged on me...
Why me? "Coach said eat heathier"
Oh yeah.. the tall guy, standing slightly
on the right in a letter jacket, a Bulldog,
one of the elite, star player, no nevermind
to me. But at least polite, unlike most so
I comply, and besides, takes less time than
to argue why I shouldn't.
And so it goes, day after day, inbetween
the trio shouts of "I wanna breakfast burrito!"
But I wanna hear that in unison... in unison.
So when their order comes simultaneously
(one more voice and they'd have a killer
barbershop quartet) I nod approval, give
thumbs-up and a grin, announce,
"That was awesome!"
and give extra sausage in each.
And then it happened.
Right hand person fired on the spot
for giving back verbal abuse to another
disgruntled failing student, and I'm left
all alone back here.
Next day the replacement caught by
the request of the health-food jock
puts him in his place.. No way can we
do that, too much time, not in the middle
of this rush... But if you come back earlier
tomorrow I could have the grains in your
wheat toast all picked out for you...
Each One a Gift

I was the interloper, tresspassing
through unfamiliar territory
treading back into a past
that wasn't mine.
All the names in my head now
and meanings that were hidden
and left behind for the
sake of sarcasm, the surreal.
Did I even belong there at all?
But even now I can't help
myself. I am drawn to
this place like cold needing
flame to warm and time that
aches to bridge the enormity
of distance...
I am here because in between
the lines, between the roughest
of edginess and caustic sentiment
elements of issue and molten rock,
I found wishes and dreams, flights
of daring, desparate lonliness,
emotion spanning the lowest lows
and upward highs.
I found such magic.
Each one a sterling vision,
each one a gift.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004


More the phoenix to find
new beginnings from its ashes,
I trace a crescent skyward
symbol barely seen at times
like filters through
a faded night.
This could never be traded,
what is shared in private
intimacy, and so I say to you
an easier way has never
been considered,
was never asked for.
And I will also tell you
risk is courage, is life,
is concrete and faith in
you is solid. And so I could
never run away from this.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Aaaah! It's only Tuesday.. this is the feeling you get when you no longer enjoy your job, when you'd rather be anywhere else but there, at that place, when everyone you work with looks as tired and stressed as you feel. And you think to yourself, it's only Tuesday, there's at least three more days to get through till some relief. I detest corporations, they've always proven to be more trouble than what they're worth. I've seen the meltdown of places like this more than once, when faceless suits and sharp dressers with clipboards in hand, monitoring, in person, spying with gadgetry, the whereabouts.. at all times. Its surprising there aren't hidden cameras in the restrooms yet. Just to see who goes, and how many times, maybe even checking to see how many little squares of toilet paper is used, so they can counter that against the brand new furniture they buy for the lobbies, the lobbies ahead of the dirt we can no longer afford time to get to. All the while, they buy, they buy up a storm. See all those shiny new trash cans near the broken down elevators.. reminds me of mansions and shacks.. and it makes no sense to anyone but those who riddle theories with invisible ink.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

HTML is a four letter word. It's quicksand to drown in.. Greek to misunderstand, futile to try and appease the hypertext gods, they are angry and will punish till you finally happen on something so simple you can't believe that you overlooked it... I'm really hoping that is the case here. I'm lucky to even be posting now, I guess. Well, we'll see what happens.
I'm drowning in the quicksand of HTML.. what a struggle this is, this newfangled language drives me crazy. Not only that, the Yahoo gods seem angry today for some reason, they are not cooperating one bit.. all my posts in Groups turned out with the words run together. I'll figure this out eventually, maybe not today, but I'll get it all straightened out. I hope.
Broch in the Wee-oors

Tomorrow you will be hidden
between fantasy whisps, seen
cloudy through haze, yet glowing
constant, at least for the time
I'll need your reflection over
these shadows...

But this morning as I look out
from my perch of a top step,
you are the silver globe
at the end of some intangible
twine, held ever safe by the
brightest star in the sky.

- Broch is the Scots term meaning a halo around the moon or sun. Wee-oors, well, the wee hours of the morning.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Strange events and happenings in and around the hospital of late. We had a homeless character wander in one day last week creating havoc and making a general mess of things. First he stuffed his pockets with the decorative lava rock he found at the entrance, and used them to design a pentagram on the lobby's information desk. From there he went into the cafeteria, opened and dumped bottles of tobasco sauce over the tables and floor. Then he proceeded to the chapel, to pray... well, I guess the chapel represented the wrong faith so he set fire to the $200 bible that was sitting on the podium. All this took place before I arrived, so I certainly had my clean-up work cut out for me.. lol. The strange thing about it was, it was almost like he timed the whole thing perfectly, almost as if he knew where to go next, to delay his being caught. He did eventually get caught, the security personnel called for the police and he was arrested and taken away. And just a few days ago, strange too, that this latest corresponded to the full moon, we had some crazy flasher walking around in a trenchcoat. I more than wonder about that place sometimes, lol.
On a better note, some good news. Publish America has accepted my book, "I Am Ready." So excited about this, I was really happy when I first learned of it.. and I'm really looking forward to the whole process.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

The Whispering

Trace with your fingers
the length of my body
head to toe,
then back again.
Taste me as I'm tasting
your warmth on my lips.
Take this need and
make me weak,
obliterate rational
thought in the complete
way that you do.
If you feed on my hunger
now, I will no longer
feel the ache so deep,
emptiness will no longer
make it's home there,
there will be no fear,
only the lightness of
a gentle touch returning
to you with the whispering
of your name.
Psych 101

And the lecture hall rang
with the shouts and cheers
of some one hundred of
the unprepared on exam day
when the lights went out.

So there he stands, caught
like a deer in a sideways
stream, the only source
of brightness is from
an open door...
Papers of essay questions
clutched in hand,
ready to administer
due process on a curve.

There he stands, still
unbelieving such reaction,
that thorough joy at the
point of escaping the hook.
Angry now, he stands
sizing up the crowd, lightning
from his eyes to match the
storm that caused this outrage.

"Ok," he says.... "Ok"
then turns to leave in a huff
and within five minutes, returns
with a box of some one hundred
pen lights.

-- Several years ago I took some classes at Fresno City College. This actually happened during a general psychology class. Well, everything except for the pen lights, lol.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Whenever I come back to work after a few days off, there are more surprises. This last time, I found out that we had lost a few more co-workers. One had transfered to another location, and the other took an early retirement. One of the others told me the same thing, about coming in and finding out even more changes.. He told me the other day, "Well, I see your still here.." we both had to laugh about that, because the way things are going, there's not going to be anyone left in the place. Plus now, there sending people home early on days when it's slow in their particular area, not taking into consideration that someone else may be totally swamped in their area, with back to back dismissals.. the supervisor keeps telling us that we're supposed to be a "team" that's all well and fine, if you put the theory in practice, but the procedure now.. where's the teamwork in that? I'm just so tired of the miscommunications, when she tells us anything at all, it's the wrong info. So tired of the contradictions.. It's a total mess I want out of. I'm washing my hands of the whole damn thing.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

It was sobering. Intense and powerful, almost too powerful to watch.. Last Saturday I went to see the movie, The Passion of The Christ. There are so many terrible things people can do to each other, it boggles the mind. What Jesus, the man went through continuously for those last days he was on earth was all the brutality human nature has ever been capable of. I don't know, I'm still trying to sort out all those references and images from the movie, and I never really considered myself an overly religious person. I just don't know. You'd have to go see the movie to get a real grasp on what I'm talking about, I think. I do know this, though... This movie will not be forgotten.

Monday, March 01, 2004


Before the golden days of television,
before talkies, before and after
radio played out skits and teased
imagination with wondering the
visuals. Before digital cuts and
3-D glasses, computer generated
anime, slow-mo and bullet time...
There were purists manipulating
images, burning and dodging,
light and dark, shadows with grain,
knowledge never fully auto-focused.
There was trial and error, learning,
discovery, painstaking slow and
finding patience along the way,
certain all along the best image
was the one worth waiting for.