Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Friday, December 31, 2004



Auld Lang Syne by Robert Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?,
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Personal Myth

Where to go for safety
up from rolling waters, down
away from twisting winds
or even to the center to
escape such a major shift

of earth that rocks on
unto its own bad self,
inescapable and unbidden
by the majority, makes you
wonder what is the ratio,

really between the good and
the calloused, the fate of us
all, really. In reality the pressure
is scientific, or is it divine...
and always the ultimate question
"What if... what if?"

Must be the biggest one ever,
an event of epic proportions.
You rock my world,
what does this mean,
really?


(This one's more of a ramble, actually. The type of thing one thinks about coming home late in the evening after saying goodbye to friends and co-workers... tmb makes you too philosophical for your own good, I'm afraid.)

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Reflection

You hold the reason within you
the way those fallen leaves
are still mantled on the shelf
or should it be hearth?
For remembrance of color,
that short time their brightness
outshone everything within a change.

If I could see you now
my hands would reach.
If I chose to speak
my voice would break,
overwhelming, unnamable.

Bittersweet, this now
I'm remembering so much...
reasons I came back as much
as reasons to go.
And how at this particular
moment, if I listen to
Silent Night... Oiche Chiun
Their favorite song
just once more, I'll break
again.


Friday, December 24, 2004




Here's wishing everyone a safe and Happy Holiday!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004



Just around the corner, Christmas is. Are you ready for this? I'm not, got too many irons in the fire, so to speak.
Anyway.. Its been cooold out there the past few days. Last night I left my hat and gloves at a friends house so I didn't have them this morning. Not a good thing for a 45 min. walk at 1 below! But everything else was covered quite adequately, I must say. I had my layers on... and my groove, I guess. I make good time when its cold out.
Some things make all the difference. Contact with friends... somehow makes all the worst seem tolerable. Believe it, believe it.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Ok, some things I have no tolerance for. One is copying someone else's work and passing it off as your own. I'm not namimg names, but if this person happens to read this here, all I have to say is they've ruined any credibility they may have had. Plus it was so obvious, a blatent rip-off in my opinion. Word for word... I've caught the same person once before but never said anything.. this time I did. Write bad poetry, whatever... at least let it be your own. Geez!!

Well the employee mass exodus at the hospital is now underway. I've put my two-week notice in last Monday, as did two other night-shift housekeepers. Several more seriously considering it.. Now today, one of the guys in engineering had enough and walked out on the spot. So its not just in my department... its facility-wide. Nay, company-wide. They think they'll be saving money by not replacing us.. they're still losing all their best people. Nobody would want to do as good a job for what they'll be paying them. Not that they're paying us all that much to begin with.

Meanwhile... there's still a ways to go in the situation. Whether its a curse or opportunity, it's gonna happen.. Oh boy.
Brrr.. I think at least two pairs of socks, and a shit load of layers will be in order this morning, haha.. It's down to 17 degrees.
Cold yesterday too. And all those fools out there at Arrowhead in -1 degree (wind chill factor) Some even with their shirts off.
The entire hospital had their tvs set to the game.. and me just cleaning.. cleaning... I didn't even have to be around a television to know what was happening, all the cheers and shouts from patient rooms.. Very surreal, the idea that the Chiefs have the power of healing. Hahaha! One thing though, they've been out of the playoffs for how long? So why all the excitement now? Some things are destined to be a mystery, I guess.
Later all, try to stay warm out there!

Friday, December 17, 2004

Heya folks...
For me it just isn't the season without hearing this: Happy Christmas
so take a listen and enjoy! :)



Happy Birthday, Mom.


Busy days, not much sleep, and draggin' shifts at work. But a lot getting done.


My daughter and her boyfriend dropped by after he got off work last night. I ended up wrapping a few packages for his mom. She collects angels so they went and bought her a beautiful angel statue. She's gonna love it, I'm sure. But the statue is very fragile so some bubble wrap was in order. Luckily I had some extra in case they needed it.


Laura picked me up at 3:30 yesterday, went to the store and got my cookie-making stuff. So I guess I'll be doing that sometime today. Funny, when she came by last night and mentioned making cookies, I thought she meant doing that here right then. She was talking about Tim's friend Joey doing the baking over at his house.. so she wanted to hurry up and get home for the chocolate chippers, lol. And if she shows up today like she's supposed to, she'll get a double dose of them, I guess.


Our friend from work, Bill, is back in the hospital. I'm really worried this time.. I'd thought he'd left too soon the first time, but he stood right there the other day, swore up and down that they'd released him.. turns out, he misunderstood. They released him, yeah, but only to rehab. Sue says that the part of the brain that was affected by the surgery and subsequent swelling was the reasoning ability.
Now he's not quite the same.. I wonder now if he'll ever be the same.


Christmas snuck up on me this year... I'm not ready for this! The year has gone by way too fast, just flew by... like some little bird in somebody's ear.. hahaha! Btw, when Adonna O. came back to work, she had laryngitis and couldn't talk, which was fine by me and everyone else. (Hehe, evil, aren't I?)


On a serious note, I keep thinking about how things are turning out. I think back on when I moved to Fresno, and I said "It was either east or west, this time I chose west." Even back then there were times I wished I had chosen east. Well this time east is the choice. I also can't help thinking that for all my good intentions.. the reason... going toward something good, a new start and challenges, better opportunity. Even with all that mindset, it feels more and more like the old "running away from something negative. Well the outcome will be the same anyway... positive overriding the negative.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Different As

The cause of that sudden grasp
the sharp reach of breath when alone
and underprepared for when it all sinks in,
the enormity of change.
The enormity of change is what
stops you cold in your tracks
just short of a brick wall
at Talladega.

Is it passion or panic
to follow a frozen river, nearly blind
of things yet unseen, unfelt, anticipation
to rise and fall, where the highs and lows
allow none for a happy medium. Temperance
is a luxury between here and there; is the
difference spawned through mice and moonbeams.

Tonight the chill is everpresent in my room
flowing in from a wall of glass
as I lay head to pillow for sleep,
shiver underneath blankets, counting
sheep, monkeys, four leaf clovers, anything
at all to push away the want of warmth and
your arms around me.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004







I heard tell of snowfall here later tonight. I guess that means time to break out the snow boots again, lol. They've already been initiated for the season though. I had unspoiled snowfall all to myself one day last month, on the way to work. It was amazing, but it didn't last long. I've since told myself that if it snows again before I leave here, I'm gonna be sure and get some pictures... the camera I carry with me at all times now for just the right shot. Silly me, I missed an amazing sunset one night last week simply because I was sure someone passing in a car would think I was crazy, 'cause from their vantage point there wasn't much to see, haha.
That's what I get for worrying about what other people think.
Bill from work (actually an former co-worker) came by to see us all during lunch yesterday.
11 days ago he underwent surgery for an anneurism in his brain. From what I heard at the time, if they had waited any longer, it would have been over... it burst just as the surgeon went in, so violently that he couldn't see where to clamp it off at, for a few seconds. Oh, that Bill... he's a lucky guy. We almost lost him. But now he's up walking around and in decent spirits.. not the usual over-the-top behavior for him, he's still in some pain so there's still a ways to go before he's feeling back to normal, I'm sure.
Well the understated news that I'm leaving has not been met with any pissed-offness the way I expected, at least from the folks I work with, I think they understand where I'm coming from... stuff I've been saying the whole time, ever since the new company took over. Adonna will be another story altogether. She called in sick again... well, I guess just wait and see what new punishment she can think up over these next two weeks.

Monday, December 13, 2004

For all the consequences, potential anger, wrath of co-workers and supervisor. For all the uncertainty, the risk, the running, the odds...
it was worth it just to say, "I'm turning in my notice." Because for the first time in a long time I was able to take a deep, relaxing breath. And enjoy it.
Today is Santa Lucia Day, a celebration stemming from Sweden that coincides with the winter holiday season and Christmas in particular.



~ Traditional Santa Lucia Song ~
The night goes with weighty step
round yard and (stove i.e. house, hearth?)
round earth, the sun departs
leave the woods brooding
There in our dark house,
appears with lighted candles
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

The night goes great and mute
now hear it swings
in every silent room
murmurs as if from wings.
Look at our threshold stands
white-clad with lights in her hair
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

The darkness shall soon depart
from the earth's valleys
thus she speaks
a wonderful word to us
The day shall rise anew
from the rosy sky.
Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

What brings you comfort?



The sound of bagpipes insistant to the spirit of battle.. seems like survival these days....
The non-existant aroma of coffee in the morning.. but needed just the same to face the day.
The words of friends bring comfort... Thank you my friend.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Ready And Waiting

I waited
too long and missed the sky
with all its deep coral shades
and shadows painted sidelong
like a glance contrasted blue
into gray cloud cover.

Then I watched
as an anxious lens
stamped out impatience,
readyand waiting en route
home to catch how the wind
can trip and turn through
leafless spaces bringing with
it a fiery backdrop of red sky.

Hurry now
darkness is falling fast
stealing available light
promising far reaching memory,
something missed, and slumber lost.

Friday, December 03, 2004



I've never seen this movie, but from the title that's what this month feels like, The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I caught the Daily Show last night...
I'm reminded of the song, Earache My Eye.
"The world's comin' to an end and I don't even care..." Stephen King has written the All-American-Pastime novel about the Boston RedSox, called Faithful. A bit unexpected, but I think he has every right to pen a book on any subject he wants.. it sounds like he had a lot of fun doing it, that's what counts.

Survivor's giving away Pontiacs now. Hahahaha!
The catfights are well underway and about to get ten times worse.. don't ya just love it?
About halfway through last night's episode, I wondered how very bizarre it would be if in fact Eliza was just playing along with the grand plan set by Ami... And it turned out to be the case. Well, I'll be... the kid can strategize.

Thursday, December 02, 2004



Good for a laugh, anyway. In lieu of some ear to be lent... my best friend won't talk to me.