Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter

Friday, January 23, 2004

The other day I saw an old friend who I hadn't talked to in years... she used to be married to my uncle, my dad's brother, before he died. Death... She didn't know about my grandma, didn't know about my mom. "Well you don't have any family left, do you?" Did I mention she had always suffered from Foot-in-mouth disease? Not that she ever gave a crap about it, always the same old Sandy. On second thought, why did I ever consider this person a friend?
"It's not television... it's H2O." I was channel surfing last night and happened onto a preview of the new shows on cable. The Sopranos start up again sometime in March, it sure has been awhile. I wish they'd put def Poetry Jam back on, been awhile for that too. A documentary next week also, HBO: America Undercover - Shelter Dogs... I even penciled it in on my calendar, I think I may even record it.

Our department at the hospital has survived the changeover, so far. The new CEO is supposed to arrive sometime next month, and there have been quite a few cosmetic upgrades to coincide. As far as detary dept., things in the cafeteria had started out pretty good at first, but everything is now so over priced I'm wondering how long it will take before everyone starts bringing their lunch instead of having to pay those outrageous prices. Even the old standbys that were always the most inexpensive; I ask you, how many people would be willing to have a small bowl of soup for $4. Also, (and this is going to be the worst, I think) The housekeepers have always gotten their drinks for no charge. For me, it's my coffee. But I think that's the next thing, they're gonna start charging us for our coffee, this could very well start a revolt, hahaha.
New management has been in place for a little over a week now. The only thing I really have to say about that is the opportunity for "teamwork" is nearly nonexistent. What is so wrong about letting a "project person" go help with patient rooms or dismissals when help is needed? We're still so shorthanded as it is, and the workload has doubled for nearly everyone. Discouraging teamwork is just plain stupidity.... just my opinion, here.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004


The reflection never goes away really,
still there someplace in the wishing,
it's the first brightness to find, an
everpresent sentinel for all its shapes
and status. I whisper alone how tall
you stand hovering before the break
of today, look who provides company
in the presence of such well-earned
solitude... For some, this moment
proves itself a harsh witness, the
reality of bitter chill, forced biting
wind to sear the soul, thinking the
reflection has gone when it has only
been hidden from sight by change.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Wealthy In Ways That Matter

Even as the winding down of
Hogmany nights became
a recent memory, the old
overtaken by new, through
spirit, for good times
with no time limits...
Even as in this early morning
trudging through frozen stucco
formed on sidewalks,
I'd rather turn loose wonder
and optimism, let them run free
through a wide open stance
of what is now realization,
a clean page in progress still
wearing its heart right there
on its sleeve, seems it was
always outside myself looking in.
But now that the zerrissenheit
has passed, I find the richness
in privacy and I'm wealthy
in ways that matter.

(zerrissenheit, from the German, meaning a state of "torn-apart-hood)

Wearing jeans on the beach
in the off season,
I'm dreaming of a blue sky,
sunlight on sand, warms days,
long walks, slow kisses,
eyes closed, a heart
coming home to light,
to play, laugh, living love
in full, honest knowing.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Sunday through Thursday - I can't wait for my day off tomorrow. I can't wait for them to send me my W2s in the mail so I can get my taxes done and refund back, so I can turn loose of it all and finally be free and current. I can't wait for this work day to be over with. Today, the one that hasn't even started yet.
Oh yeah, Friday is Greg Cordum's last day before he goes out to Palm Beach. We're having a little going away party for him today. Palm Beach, very expensive out there... I guess Andy likes his position out in Michigan. The Sodexo people are saying their goodbyes... I still don't know for sure if our immediate supervisors are staying or not. That part is still up in the air. That is, if they know, they're not saying. Anyway last week I gave Greg my number and email, hopefully to keep in touch. Ideally he'd put me in contact with somebody out east somewhere. But if nothing else, I was hoping him and Andy would at least be a good reference...
That's all for now. More later.

Saturday, January 03, 2004


Look around you, look up.
Listen to the voices and music
in your ears, hold the phones
tight, tighter against your head,
blocking out the irritation, great
huge electronic battles from the box
in the other room. Perpetual, the
thorn in my side, the bane
of my existential...
You tap a shoulder into a start
and a half-jump "you artists
are so focused" disdainful,
mocking, damning ideals with a
muttering under breath.
Not soon enough, but soon
you will be gone with your systems,
all your toys and playthings,
but when... Not yet, only "soon."

Friday, January 02, 2004

Well the holidays are over... It was a long 11-day stretch, working through Christmas and filling in for people on vacation. And I still can't believe how hard we were hit with dismissals and new admits on Christmas Eve and day. They were saying last time, it wasn't like that at all. So I am definitely enjoying these three days off! Had a great New Years, stayed in and relaxed, unwinding... Talked to some good friends online, had some Irish coffee at midnight, stayed up for a while longer, then went to bed. Laura's grandparents were in town from Boston, it's always nice to see them. They've always treated me and Jason very well. We all went out to dinner Tuesday night at the Cracker Barrel. I'd never been there and it was pretty nice. We joked about what we ended up having, three of us got the same thing, the other two were identical as well. It was like a hand in poker, a "full house." And actually the place was a full house, very busy, hahaha.
Yesterday was Laura's birthday, she had her party at the Golden Corral buffet. She's 19, and wonders if she should feel old, since so many of her friends are younger than her, but says she really doesn't feel any older.
Thinking about the past year. As with most of us, there's been a lot of good and some bad... a lot of stuff that needs to be changed for the better. A lot of old, worn-out situations that are way overdue to be gotten rid of. So, resolutions?... I'm going to clean house big time, put the trash on the curb, (hahaha). Start over, start fresh, make a clean break. Sounds vague I know, but those who know me know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'd like to take the first steps toward getting published. A friend told me he thought it was a good idea, since I have enough material now for a book, a collection of poems. And even though I understand the process might even take a full year from start to finish, I think it'll be worth it.
I'd also like to attend more readings, if I can find them. Maybe even participate again. I did once at Barnes and Noble, and it scared me to death. I think since it's been so long, I'll probably be just as scared all over again to do a second one.
I want to finally say I actually support the ASPCA, such a great organization and resource, I think, with the education efforts and policy they have. Just want to take an active stance on the issue of animal cruelty and neglect.
Well I think that's the basis for what I'd like to do in the coming year. It's a good start, anyway...